rediscovering eden
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Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours
dailies
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
-10:00 PM
I was overwhelmed by the spirit. I repeated countless times that I want to be ready for God. I told myself to stand firm and not fall. But when Rev Irene East stood in front of me, God spoke through her. This is a trying season. Apparently not only for me. I realized it is the same for many of my brothers and sisters in disciple class. The message was the same. We are an angry lot of people. We fail to see what a father in like through our brokenness (family background). We fail to see Father God. How much He loves us. I realized I wrote in my blog just a day or two ago about God’s love too. Rev Irene East spoke. I could hardly make out what she said except ‘release the little girl in her’, ‘the fear of people’, ‘of what others say’ and ‘revelation of Your love’. I screamed really bad, without control. I guess many were ‘frightened’ and frankly speaking, I was too. I was conscious and yet had no command over my behaviour. The scream was somewhat in pain and anger. My arms went numb, again. I first experienced that long time ago, when I went for a visit to the disciple class. But my entire body, right up to my lips experienced numbness then, and I was sobbing for what seemed like hours. I wonder how many people believe in inner healing. I cannot deny it because I experienced deliverances countless times, of which most were minor cases. Then in the midst of unrestrained cries, a peace will just flood and fill me. That indescribable peace. That assurance of Father God’s love for me. Initially I was really concerned about how others will see me with my sudden outburst. Then I told myself, I am not going to care. It is between Father God and me. He chose to deal with me when I don’t even deserve it. He knows me as an individual and I am thus special. What a fantastic truth! I am fearfully and wonderfully made!
WILLING TO LOVE YOU
Lord, please grant me a heart that loves You
One that is forever determined and firm
Let me love You
Not with mere words from my lips
Lord, help me to totally give of myself
To serve sacrificially
Only because I love You
May You be pleased with my life
Which truly speak of
How much I love You
Lord, I am willing to totally give of myself
Willing to serve sacrificially
Only because I love You
May You be pleased with my life
Which truly speak of
Devoted love for You
It seemed all eyes were on me as the people applauded thunderously around me. But I am only the donkey ridden by the Lord Jesus. Those claps are not for me. I am nothing. The accolade is for Christ. I am only His tool.
Criticism is our best teacher. We react in anger but am I humble enough to see and pick up the nugget of truth? Humility. A leader is quick to apologise, even when his body and soul are unwilling.
Saturday, February 25, 2006
-9:56 AM
Sometimes I wonder where do people find the time to blog. I guess it all boils down to discipline and habitual needs. If I am not wrong, this is the second time I write in my blog in 2006. I lost track! It so happens I read up some of my friends’ blogs recently and realized it is high time to pause and ‘document’ certain issues down.
Will not be running children camp in the capacity of a camp commandant this year. Graduated to camp mentor. Haha. CPT is going to hush down a bit in terms of events. Those who are in CPT will be kind of channeled to other departments in the children ministry. I will be going to the Girls’ Brigade (Primary). Also, I am leaving the youth cell to join an adult cell. But I reckon that I will still join the monthly youth service. It is too exciting to miss out. Maybe when I get older and the energy level depletes enough to ‘demote’ myself to total devotion to the adult service. There will be more training and workshops for worship ministry this year. There will be one in July and coming soon, March! March… march… march… march… the month in which most projects are due. The month that marks my maturing. Scary. April is down for tests and exams. 2006 has challenges ahead.
My New Year resolutions? How’s the progress? Can I not mention them? I wouldn’t say they are at a standstill, but neither are they speeding up in terms of development. Time management I guess. But it often seems like I have too much to do with too little time. I want time for myself, my family and friends. Got to meet my Dage. He is still the same nice guy. Must catch up with other friends too. Fortunately one of my major projects is coming to an end. It has lasted for half a year! One of my best friends is getting married soon! Her boyfriend proposed to her on Valentine’s Day. How sweet! Another of my university friend is getting married in May too. I am elated for all of them.
Went back to the school which I did contract teaching for a visit. This teacher encourages me. Not that she eggs me on in my studies but the way she shared about her own struggles and philosophies in life spoke deeply. She often laughs and lightens up the mood in the staff room. She never fails to cheer me up with her laughter. She is 48 this year but she looks barely even 40! She told me to laugh often and take things easy. “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference” pops out repeatedly recently. She quoted it, again. Difficulties made her stronger, she said. I agree. But it is the process, which always seems daunting. We need little things to motivate us, friends to encourage and love to support. Sometimes I am lifted up when I lift my friends up.
Down at Your feet O Lord
Is the most high place
In Your presence Lord
I seek Your face
I seek Your face
There is no higher calling
No greater honour
Than to bow and kneel before Your throne
I am amazed by Your glory
Embraced by Your mercy
O Lord I live to worship You
Hide me now under Your wings
Cover me within Your mighty hands
When the oceans rise and thunder roars
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still, know You are God
It is such a wonder I can wake up with a song on certain morning. Always feel so refreshed when I make an extra effort to wake up earlier to spend time with God. Not easy on days when I need to be in school by 8.30am in the morning. The Boon Lay interchange is a terrorizing place to be in that mad rush hour. Ambushed by people. Pushed along by the flow of human traffic. Sometimes the queue for the bus is intimidating. Then one morning, the beautiful purplish (my favourite colour) morning glories caught my eyes. God’s creation to make my day!
Some of the youths are really funny. They asked me if I am in love just because I was all chirpy and jovial (and maybe to the extent of being silly) when they were half dead in the evening (before combined cell). Partly because I dressed up quite often recently. Well, I had to with presentations! Maybe I used to dress sloppy. What to do? Haha. I think I woke up on the right side of bed that morning. Once I am delighted in the morning, the elation is enough to last me for the day. I love it when I am amused. I suppose everyone loves to be humored? But I am easily tickled only by some people. While others simply fail to even make my mouth twitch. And yes, someone made me delirious and I laughed really hard that morning, which explained my ecstatic self that fateful day. How I wish I could be tickled every morning!
Was chatting with a friend. Her struggles when seeing the guy whom she is infatuated with. Can only pray that if he is the one for her, God will lead him to make the first step. She is a very good woman and deserves an excellent guy. It is never simple and effortless to maintain any relationship so I really salute those couples who are still very much in love with each other after many years. Still remember what Pastor Tim said. To love someone means not comparing him or her to anyone else. It is a decision and not charged by emotions.
How often do we really love people and let them know that we love them? I don’t remember my parents saying “I love you” to me at all. Their love came in the form of provision of necessities. How do I speak love? I used to think my most prominent love language is giving of gifts and tokens. Then I realized I love and even encourage through my words as well. For dad, it is spending quality time when I make it a point to have meals with him. Watched “I Not Stupid Too” recently. More conscious than ever with regards to the words I speak to my students. Have I praised and encouraged them recently? Have I loved them?
Words spoken in love.
Deeds done in love.
Physical touch in love.
Quality time spent in love.
Giving tangibles in love.
Knowing your love language, as well as those of others, to better appreciate love in any language. Love breaks all barriers. Love drives out all fear. How thankful am I for God’s perfect, unfailing and matchless love! Love that never leaves, never forsakes, never disappoint… … God is love. So simple yet so fathomless. I am so loved. A love that I can never deserve but am given unconditionally.