rediscovering eden
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Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours
dailies
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
-3:58 PM
Call me dumb. I may never see my money again. All it took was trust but now it is betrayed. And it is not just a loan to one person! I have never even seen her before but all I heard was that she has children to care for. Maybe I am too simple. If it takes money to reveal human nature, I treat it as an expensive lesson learnt. I will never lend people money again. Mind you, the amount is not in hundreds. I am not rich but my soft-heartedness… … told a few of my closer friends and though they advised, I decided to ‘let it go’. One of them was saccharine sweet. He asked if I needed financial help and if I do, just let him know. Haha. I am not confiding in people with the hope that they can lend me money. I can still manage on my own. But the assurance of such promises gives me the ‘strength’ to continue trying to trust in people? *SIGH* Let the bygone be the bygone.
Thanks, gal (you know who you are and I appreciate all the sharing)! You told me to write without using names and to just pour out. It is very helpful. I realized I am that kind who needs to let it out and this is pretty helpful and therapeutic. After ‘screaming’ out legibly, I am able to let go. Feels so good.
Stop reading me like a book. I don’t think I look like one. Sometimes I cannot even understand myself. What makes you think you can? To perfection, even? You are not God. Don’t hone your skills on me. I would appreciate if it is done tastefully and sensitively but your soft skills are a big let down. Stop telling me what to do. I am not to be instructed by you as you are not my God. Maybe I was being defensive. I admit to my flaws. I am not faultless. I know what is happening and I am attempting to be a better person. We are all supposed to anyway. Give me time. Nope… another mistake. Not going to ask you for time. I need to be asking God for grace. And after getting ‘shot’ by you for numerous times, I am laughing them all off now. Funny how I am taking all these. Haaaaaahaaaaaaa.
Came across this poem in my readings for projects. How true!!!
Leisure
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?
No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows:
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:
No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
And watch her feet, how they dance:
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
- William Henry Davies
Monday, September 25, 2006
-11:04 AM
I am ugly. Terribly ugly recently. How can I be losing patience? I still have this virtue with children (haha) but not with adults. Something is wrong. Am I expecting too much from adults? Such as that I expect them to have the same frequency as me? Don't tell me that it is communication barrier? At times, I need to explain more than once to my students on certain concepts, but ultimately, they get it. But when I have to do so for adults, I feel that it is so trying. Feel like bursting at times. What is God trying to teach me this time round?
Don't ask for my opinions when you already have an inkling on what to do or that you already have a decision! What is the point? Attempting to frustrate me? You have succeeded though. Feel so ineffective! Futile effort in trying to make you comprehend. Why can't you understand? What don't you understand about? How can I make you understand? I explained. I demonstrated. I illustrated. I tried drawing. I tried taking in deep breathes before I opened my mouth. Help me! Exhausted my tolerance level? Duh.
On a happy note, I had fun with Esther, Faith and Krystal. We went swimming on Saturday. That dare-devil went flaunting her PR skills again. She is adorable beyond description, just like Joash! They make me gush with excitement and my eyes twinkle like stars. Haha. As Esther toddled in the water, we surrounded her. We laughed as she splashed the water and giggled loudly at herself. Babies are heaven sent. Really!
I can't wait to baby-sit Joash too. You should see the look in his eyes. Argh… he just captures your attention, and affection, though Tommy and Sharon lamented that I wouldn't want to see him when he is crying. I believe so, too. Haha. They are always lovely when they smile. But when they are agitated, oooooo! Just like some (or should I say most?) adults, we are angels when everything is smooth-sailing. The malevolence arises when we are stressed, provoked, stretched.
Dear friend, you have been telling me about your past life experiences. You are fuming with annoyance and filled with anger, and bitterness. You repeated it - If there ever is a god, he is playing with you. Toying with you maliciously. What a fine analogy of making you a top-notch IT person but placing you in country with no computers. Maybe I am just simple. Maybe I have not been through enough. But life is never fair. It never is meant to be. I empathise with you and your disappointments in your life but I believe you will make it. And I will be praying for you. You believe in not being a liability to your friends. As much as your philosophy leads you, I know you will be an asset to many. May your heart be softened towards a real God. May you open your eyes and ears to see and hear to testify to His goodness one day. I wish I could help you but I am not God. Neither am I a saviour.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
-9:43 PM
In Singapore, the majority of us live in Highly Dangerous Buildings (HDB), and most people have already got used to Paying and Paying (PAP).
Not only do you have to pay, you Pay Until Bankrupt (PUB).
If that's not enough, somebody still Purposely Wants to Dig (PWD) and get more from you.
So what more can you do when you are in the Money Only Environment (MOE) ?
With the current Mad Accounting System (MAS), you are forced to Pay the Sum Ahead (PSA), which will leave some people Permanently Owing Some Banks (POSB).
And forced to live on the Loan Techniques Always (LTA) system.
When you fall sick and happen to be admitted to a Money Operating Hospital (MOH), You might be able to use your Cash Prior to Funeral (CPF) fund.
If you are out of luck, you may meet doctors who Never Use Heart (NUH) to treat you, and you will be Sure to Give up Hope (SGH).
To help ease the traffic, motorists have to pay Cash On Expressway (COE).
If that doesn't help, they can always Eternally Raise Prices (ERP) on the roads.
If you don't own a car, you can always make a Mad Rush to the Train (MRT), OR get squashed in a bus Side By Side (SBS).
Lastly, under all these pressures, there are not many places we can relax, not even the good old place we used to go because it has become So Expensive and Nothing To See Actually (SENTOSA)!!!
Monday, September 18, 2006
-8:34 AM
Effective January 2007
Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Holiday Days Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Compassionate Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
DUH... ...
Sunday, September 17, 2006
-10:58 PM
Big booboo. Got to know one friend through another. Been communicating via sms and MSN. Talked on the phone twice if I am not wrong. Finally got to meet him up for a movie. Watched The Host. He made three booboos on the first time we met.
First, the person whom we bought the tickets from is a Malay (so obvious with his Malay name on his name tag) but my friend spoke to him in Mandarin. Haahaa. Next, he told me the wrong theatre for the movie. Never mind that I was alert enough to have a glimpse of the tickets and realised that it was 5 instead of 9. The third booboo came when he led me to the wrong seats. He really makes me laugh with his facial expressions and dramatic actions.
The major BOOBOO came when we had arranged to go to JB to purchase mooncakes. After I met him at the Woodlands Station Control and while waiting for another friend, I asked him if he brought his passport along. I had a strong urge to sms to remind him to bring but I thought that it was redundant. Can you imagine the shock I was in when I realised that he was not joking at all about him forgetting to bring the most important document to go to JB? And he lives in Serangoon! Our common friend had to give him a ride on his bike back to his house. Here I am, stranded in my friend's house while waiting for both of them. So, I decided to blog. Haa.
I really had a good laugh. This friend really tickles me. Usually I am the one to make others laugh. Behave exactly like two children bickering when he argues with our common friend. And did I mention that he is very sweet? Very hard to find guys of such sensitivity nowadays. He actually brought along a jacket for fear that I may get too cold while watching the movie. I was almost shivering, despite being covered with my own shawl and his jacket. Poor boy... he was so cold I gave him back his jacket, though it was near to the end of the movie. Then we went for a hot drink after the show because we were freezing cold! He ordered hot milo for both of us and got 3 extra cups, with only two filled with water. When he reached our table, he explained that in case the milo is too hot for me, I can pour in the plain water or simply pour some of it into the empty cup to speed up the cooling process. Never had a guy do this for me before.
He asked me if it is my misfortune to have known our common friend (whom I got to know him from) but I must say, if without him, I would not have known such a wonderful friend like him. Hope that our friendship will grow. It is really tough to maintain any relationship with so many tasks and commitments. School work piles up, as usual. I want to have time for myself too. Time for God, for my family, for people whom are important for me. Don't wish to reach the state of lying on my death bed and realise that I have not loved enough. Anything can happen and I want my loved ones and friends to know that I do care for them. Maybe I have not been seeing them, nor have I been keeping in constant contact, but I do pray for them. This, is perhaps the only thing I can do for them.