rediscovering eden
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Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours
dailies
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
-5:01 PM
I woke up this morning with a heavy heart. I had a terrible heart-ache. I was asking myself how I could ever feel this pain which seemed so real from a weird nightmare last night. I dreamt that I was crying badly over a breakup with my boyfriend. The amazing part (and I thank God for this) is that I am not attached currently. I guess if I were attached, I would be traumatized for the day and cannot stay focus for all my lessons. And in that nightmare, someone was comforting me. He was so very nice and sensitive. Not going to reveal who this guy is, though I know him in reality. Haahaa.
Maybe I have been facing and trying to handle issues of this kind. A few people asked me if I am a lesbian recently. Haahaa. Just because I am single at my age does not point to a change of my sexuality. Then I remember a few of my friends who are homosexuals. I have been praying for them from time to time. The rest is really up to God to work in their lives.
Then there are 2 guys who explicitly expressed their liking for me recently. I felt awkward actually. How am I to react or respond? I prefer a more covert approach. Then a number of my friends have fluttering hearts recently because certain people came into their lives. One of them even got attached despite the fact that they have known each other for only around three months. Is time a factor? Beats me. Still, I gave her my blessings. In fact, I bought my galfriend and her boyfriend a matching pair of key chains to 'celebrate' her new found love. Hope he is the true one.
Work is piling up. I have numerous projects for this semester. In fact, there seems to be more this time round, whether are they group or individual more. Not to forget daily homework too! God, grant me strength! Added to late days due to lessons in school and tuition commitments, I really need divine intervention. But I will make it a point to spend time with my friends and family.
I am elated over one of my friend's pregnancy too. I just sang for her on the night of her wedding dinner last November and she has a new life growing in her now! Woah! I was super excited about her new 'status' and I purposely went to meet her up when I did not intend to join her for a KTV session. I went but I did not sing. Just to see her. Just to congratulate her. Friends... what would I do without them?
Monday, August 07, 2006
-6:03 PM
Caught Just My Luck quite some time ago with a friend. Learnt quite a few things about life from him. Not that he preached to me purposefully but those were what I caught while mingling with him. He is a joker so being with him is fun. Quite animated too, just like me at times. And he insisted on paying each time we are out. I usually go dutch when I am out with friends. But he... ... okay, I bought the lemon tea. Haha. He is quite a transparent person. In fact, he told me he was angry with me (my fault) rather frankly. I really appreciate that. I will not take it so well usually but somehow this time, God made me think otherwise. And the weird thing is, we've known each other for less than a month. To be so frank to a new found friend is so rare. He actually was so comfortable (I hope so) that he told me much about himself (things you don't normally share with strangers) even before we met. Truly a friend God sent.
He is really inspiring as an educator. He goes the extra mile and thoroughly believes in and supports his students. No wonder he has won the hearts of many. Hope that he will win many souls too. Sometimes I find him a tough nut to comprehend. He has his principles and a set of beliefs in managing issues. At times, he can be so melancholic as well. I guess beyond the comical and light-hearted facade is the more soft-hearted and emotional side, maybe the darker side too. Haha.
Realised I get into my 'lunatic' mode quite often these days. I think Tommy, Sharon, Daryl, Simon, Wei Chin, Datong, Cindy, (even) Huiyun and a few others are quite taken aback. Hehe. Bet they have not seen this side of me. I am normally the sensible, 'controlled' Gillian. Now, the Gillian who breaks into laughter, songs and Malaysian accent at the weirdest moments, escapes rather often. Oooo... ...
Started school yesterday. Had a great time catching up with Marie and Chris. Not enough actually. Never mind, we still have many more days ahead. Got my Practicum File and APT form back. My NIE Supervisory Coordinator (NSC) sang my praises. Of course there are areas I can improve further in and I will keep them in mind to work on. She was also very friendly and warm to me. Really God's favor.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
-3:01 PM
It is Dage's birthday today. Sent him a SMS after midnight before I slept last night. Will be giving him a treat when he is able to make it. He is the best Dage in the world. For countless times he came to my house, attempting to fix my wireless router. Still, something is very wrong so it is not in working condition till now. I am thus using Justin's PC whenever I need to go online. So my brother has been very kind to meet my needs. Thank God Eileen is back so Justin will be going out more often, which leaves me with more time to use the PC. Haahaa.
My Teaching Assistantship of 5 weeks is finally over. Even the extremely short one week break is almost gone in a flash. Thank God for granting me favor with all men. It is amazing because my two other colleagues (student teachers like myself) are under her supervision but she is most impressed with me! She spent close to an hour 'lecturing' them and giving them feedback on their lessons but spent a mere 20 minutes on me, of which most feedback was positive. She even told me to aim for distinction for the next Practicum of 10 weeks if I am back in the same school and under her supervision again. She praised me and said that I have done over and above what a normal student teacher could do in class. Whao! Even my 3 mentors were very kind and helpful to me. Thanks my friends, for all the prayers.
Buddies such as Rusyinni, Stella, Michelle Tong and Ong, Daphne, Dage, Adam, Simon, Andrew, Wendy etc. I know they prayed for me. I know it each time I asked them to… for particular issues. Prayers move the hand of God.
I missed the children so much. They sang me a song for my last lesson with them. They showered me with cards and little gifts. Most of all, they indulged me with their sweet nothings. A group of boys even stood up and shouted "We love you Ms Gillian!" after the song was done. I almost cried. Tears were already welling up in my eyes and I could only try to hold them there. Never like such scenes… so emotional. But I am okay now. Their smiles are worth the world!
School is starting next week. Going to be busy again, with hectic schedules. I have lessons ending at 6.30pm in the evening, which means I will reach home around 8pm. But most of my lessons start late, near to noon. I rather squeeze myself in the morning in the midst of the crowd rushing for work, then to wake up late and lose time. It takes a lot of discipline to wake up early when you have no morning class that day. Argh… miss school terribly though. Miss my friends, most of all Marie and Chris. My buddies. Time to catch up with a few of my tutors too. Have not met up with them for quite some time.
Friday, August 04, 2006
-12:42 PM
Went to Fraser Hill from Sunday (30th July) to Wednesday (2nd August) and had great fun. Tried playing Carrom, darts and ping pong for the first time. Not forgetting Balderdash (it is Bangladesh in my version). The scenery is breathtaking and the cool weather is rejuvenating. I tried imitating how a typical Malaysian would speak in Mandarin. I distorted the pronunciation of scones and strawberry (called them Si Co Nee and Si Do Bei Lei respectively). We managed to ‘punk’ Simon too, big time!
The journey there at night was fun. Simon told a few jokes but poor Justin slept throughout because he was not feeling very well (all thanks to the Chendol he had on Sunday). Upon arrival in Kuala Lumpur, we had wonton mee for breakfast and then a few of us went to get food for the BBQ on the first night. James drove us up and if I am not wrong, we made two wrong turns. When we reached, we unloaded our luggage and went to have lunch while we did a little exploration around. After getting back, the guys took a nap while the gals prepared the food for the BBQ. We had fun while doing this! We marinated the chicken wings, washed the prawns and stingray, peeled the longans and cooked the pasta.
The guys started the fire when they were hungry and ready for dinner. We had the pasta first as it was hot and that was when the action began. James and I pretended to quarrel. He grumbled about my poor cooking skills (but continued to eat the pasta nonetheless), and how unreasonable and quarrelsome I was. Of course, I went crying and locked myself in a room. The gals came to persuade me to go out and have the food but I replied with “Unless that stupid guy apologises!”. With the excellent acting crew, Simon was so convinced and upset that a wonderful time of dinner could turn so ugly. Next thing, James came to the door and shouted at me. “Gone!” thought Simon. I walked out and the whole drama ended. Simon teared. Big time! Haahaa. He said he almost wanted to scold James if not for the presence of others. See, we are all gifted! Even Wei Chin could help to convince Simon that I was really upset.
Everyone had a good laugh and we continued to enjoy the fabulous fresh seafood! The prawns tasted so sweet without any seasoning. The stingray was so tender. Missed marshmallow though (could not purchased them there). The chicken wings were good and the two variations of sausages were kind of cute. We also had orange squash and longans were for dessert.
I was a big loser that night when we played Balderdash. Could not manage to con the others. Picked up the skill and scored better the next night. James came up with his Pogo position and there was lots of other crap as well. I was laughing that night on bed before I slept when I thought about his Pogo crap. Even dreamt about it!
Went trekking on the second day in the morning after breakfast. Wei Chin enjoyed the scrambled eggs and most of us loved the chilli there (meant to be eaten with the nasi lemak). The walk was most wonderful. How many chances do I get to walk in the arms of nature and surrounded by greenery? And in such cooling weather! Was bitten by a leech for the first time in my 26 years of life! Datong, Eileen and Simon were bitten too and we all happened to be punctured by these creatures on our left legs.
We had lunch and after that, back to our cozy nest for a break. Simon needed to change out of his blood-soaked sock anyway. We made our way to a high class restaurant for our tea. Simon was talking about it long before we got there. We had imagined that we would have to act ‘class’, speak with an accent and take care of our body language. Blar blar blar. We ordered our ‘Si Co Nee’ (scones) and other food which sound very interesting. One of the waiters resembled Danny Sum. We had fun playing Scumbag there too. Justin was the ultimate Scumbag of the day! It got dark and we went back ‘home’. How time flies when we have fun!
Had dinner cooked by Simon that second night. Instant Mee Goreng. I fried the eggs (Sunny Side Up) and cooked the leftover pasta. Then we played Charade, guys against gals. I laughed until I almost flipped. Wei Chin looked like a mouse when she wanted to act out the word ‘wicked’. When she mentioned that the particular word is unfair to the gals and while acting it out by pointing to the guys, I shouted out ‘scumbags’. There was a huge uproar. Haahaa. Then she made a further distortion by doing what seemed like a movement made by fishes and I guessed ‘sperm’. Everyone laughed hysterically.
Could not sleep that night. Think I laughed too much and got too excited to switch off mentally and physically. Slept at 2 plus in the morning after chatting with Karen. Could not bear to leave the place and back to reality.
Now we are back! Zapped and back to reality! Had so much fun! See the pictures at http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/gilliantpy/my_photos. Look for Fraser Hill Part 1 & Part 2.
