rediscovering eden
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Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours
dailies
Sunday, February 11, 2007
-10:01 PM
Is the cheesecake lovely? Does it look like a sunflower (my favourite) because I meant it to be? Went to cell on Friday. Made cheesecake for my cell members because I was scheduled to provide refreshment. Eugene had 3 slices while Andrew only had 2. Ah Drool deserves to be scolded? Haha. It was a drag to go to cell. My selfishness at work? Feel that there is nobody to connect with. The Word part was encouraging but we are made for fellowship too right? On impulse, I thought of leaving where I am now at that point of time.
Compassion. More please. Do not want to do things for the sake of doing. Not with my flesh. Not because I think I am capable of doing so. I want to do it because I love Him. Anything not done in love amounts to nothing.
I have been feeling down lately for no good reason. I am able to smile and maybe tell a few corny jokes here and there but it is not the same anymore. The joy which kept me alive is missing. Why?
Could it be that I am burdening myself? When people confide in me, I have this tendency to load it upon myself. At times, I am affected by what is going on around me and my friends. Perhaps the nature of not knowing how to say ‘no’ has got the better side of me?
What a load of stuff to complete! My first reaction to Cleansing Stream. The daily readings from the bible. The homework of around 20 pages to do. The book to be read (4 chapters per session, I reckon). And the WISE program is commencing on 25th Feb! What about my Daily Bread? Time put aside for prayers? Argh… …
Frankly speaking, I am not even ready for Chinese New Year. And did I forget to mention that the 10 weeks of practicum is approaching? What is it with me? What is it with life? Haha.
Sounds bad yah? But guess what… I still want to give thanks to God. This is a time to discipline myself again. To be accountable to a group of people is beneficial. I may be doing it out of duty and responsibility but I am slowly starting to enjoy it. The feeling of excitement is returning! I feel Him close again. Not that He had left me. He promised to never leave or forsake me. But I guess I strolled away for a while?
Be positive! New revelations when I read the bible again. Questions in the ‘homework’ book reveals the opportunities for a stronger foundation. Having the company of saints to pray with and for me. The book is, as a matter of fact, quite a good read.
Guilty of building my joy on people instead of God. Guilty of not talking to him as much I could have. Guilty of running to one hundred and one other things instead of Him in times of need. But God is faithful. As I confess, He forgives. That is my Father’s heart.
I want to know how to love people better. I want that fervor to teach be not washed away by the systems and comfort zones. I want to wake up each morning with that bursting joy regardless of circumstances. I want to lose the inclinations to take offence. I want to lose the fear of the vulnerability to be hurt. I want to connect in depth with people. I want to know how to say ‘no’ without feeling bad. I want to lose consciousness of people.
Trials and tests locate a person.
