rediscovering eden
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Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours
dailies
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
-5:12 PM
Finally, pictures taken by Andrew for the birthday surprise at Tommy’s and Sharon’s cozy home. Pardon my messy hair and I looked like I live there with Sharon’s home clothes. And do I appear that I am ready to kill for that picture in which I carried the plastic knife? Wonder if Nicky wanted to be in that picture or not. Kian Kuen got me eating the cherry-like fruit, which made the cake seem lovely but is rather sour for my sweet tooth. That explains the facial expression. I was not even aware that my picture was taken for the standing pose. Andrew’s camera phone, I must say, is pretty impressive.
Need to thank Tommy for getting the cake despite his busy schedule and chauffeuring the gang of people to his house. The cake was not exactly tasty, to be frank, but the sweet thoughts meant the most. I think I make better cheesecakes. However, I think I am far too busy for this 10 weeks practicum to be able to make any decent tiramisu or cakes. Everyday seems to be loaded with work and flies past with the batting of an eyelid. Lack of sleep becomes a daily fact. Lesson plans generator? Holding my bladder becomes a norm. Dehydration occurs at times. Exhausting! I love the students though. They are one of my sources of joy, the reason why I still make my way to school.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
-11:45 PM
Huiyi was stunning that evening. Well, which bride does not shine? And I had a great time catching up with friends such as Er Niang (Huifang), Wenru, Quek Quek (Elaine) and Weizhen. And I got a picture taken with a secondary school friend, Hong Zhang. He has such deep dimples, we used to tease him about it. The girls shared a cab home that night and two Caucasian guys tried to be funny with us. One asked if he could share a cab with me, to which I densely replied “I am sharing with my friends.”. He continued by asking if we could go somewhere and get crazy together. It was at that point of time I realized what predicament I was in. I kept quiet and looked away. Another even asked where we were going. My Er Niang was so fast. She said ‘home’ and told us in Mandarin to ignore them. We got on a cab and as the journey was long, we had a long chat, with the cab driver joining in. The topic that night somehow surrounded love, getting attached and the like. I even got my girl friends to keep a lookout for me. Haha. They tried to be funny and ‘match-make’ the cab driver with me. I was the last to get off and the cab driver gave me a discount of around $6, rounding down to $20. Actually, he is a rather nice guy. Should have got his number and introduce to my friend (I mentioned this to you so you know who you are).
Spent the afternoon of my actual birthday with Pearlyn and Zhen Zhi at N.Y.D.C. We snapped a number of pictures. We also had a good long chat and realized that we are all struggling with the things we have to do for this 10 weeks practicum. Imagine sleeping for around 4 to 5 hours daily, with tons of work to mark and daily lesson plans to work on. Losing my social life. And I still have tuitions.
Endless surprises from some people. Jin Tang (my pen pal), Danny (from NIE GESL), Cheng Li (JC friend), Terence (yes, nasi-lemak guy), Derek (agent), Grace and Charissa from 6H (past students), Mrs Hari, Jarrod, Ai Qiang, students from Si Ling… … They remembered and sent me their greetings. Numerous pupils also made me cards and bought gifts for me, which I gently refused to accept. Tommy, Sharon, Andrew and the usual gang (Daryl, Nicky, Kenneth, Michelle, Kian Kei and Kian Kuen) surprised me with a cake. I really did not expected that. Was poorly dressed for that and I guess the pictures taken by Andrew will be horrendous.
Michelle (Ong), thanks for that practical laser pen and your loan of hair dryer (you are really such a blessing to have). Rus, the writings on the card meant more than anything else. Andrew, I love the card too, other than the gift. Pearlyn and ZZ, thanks for the gifts, lunch and fellowship. Ai Qiang, thanks for the card and the promised meal when we are both freer. Roger, for the treat at Sakae. The pouch and coaster are really cute, thanks Didar, Didi and Rachel. This can go on, really. And I know I still owe time with many people, including Dage, Weiling, Mun Loon, Shumin, Tianyu, Wendy… … Who says singlehood is bad? But then again, it could have been better? Hahaha.
Had over a hundred dollars worth of durians treat from Aunt Cindy at Geylang. Whao! Unimaginable right? And thanks to Tommy for the Tim Sum treat. And the lovely candy sweets with almonds from Timothy.
On a sad note, I have two friends who broke up with their boyfriends recently. Another had filed for divorce but got herself a new boyfriend and custody of her child. Another struggling to stay close and yet keeping a distance from her? Weird. What do we want out of relationships, I wonder. No time to think about these for the moment. Busy with school work. Look at my terrible workspace. Pathetic and superbly cramped place to work in. No choice. 7 more weeks to go. Cannot wait to be back at NIE. The journey is daunting and costly but the company is overwhelmingly close to heart. I love the children though. Guess the only thing I will miss about my practicum is the lovely children.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
-4:21 PM
Painted this pair of shoes one night when I could not sleep again. Wonder why is my mind so active at night. Pretty bad as I feel that it is insomnia and this lack of sleep may affect me when I teach during daytime. Once again, I slept for only around 4 hours last night. Had to take coffee this morning to perk me up. 
Esther is so sweet in white. Took this when I met her at the Food Court at North Point after Sunday Service.
Stella wanted to give me a birthday treat and I decided to have it at the Food Court. Took this with her. She had left for Chiangmai and will not be back in time to celebrate with me. She was so apologetic about forgetting to bring the present that Sunday for me. It is the thought that counts. Had the Indian rice with her. Yummy.
My new hairstyle is starting to curl out. What to do? I don’t have the time to blow my hair. Don’t even have a hairdryer and I don’t think I will use one too. The hairdresser got me this time. Have to be back again for trims.
Monday, March 19, 2007
-10:31 PM
I spent close to 7 hours marking in school today. That means I spent 12 hours in school, with only around 2 to 3 hours of sleep the night before. Totally drained. Thanks to Michelle (Ong), Rus and Roger for having dinner with me at Country Manna. And not forgetting Tommy, Sharon, precious Joash and Michelle (Tong) for dropping by. He is super sweet and an adonis to be. My energy bar. Cut my hair too. Think it is pretty short. But I guess not many notice as the change is not that drastic looking from the front. Michelle (Ong) said I look cute. Heehee. Naughty uncle went "You cut your hair meh?". Hopeless... Haha. Love the laser pen Michelle (Ong) bought me. Very pragmatic; just what I like. I have too many pretty things already. And of course, nothing beats having a meal and catching up with buddies and people whom I treasure. And my aunt got me a CD and book. In fact, she dated me at Sun Plaza and took me to Mount Zion to choose my own birthday gift. Haha. Jaymin gave birth. Woah! It's a girl - Natalie. And I cannot wait to attend Huiyi's wedding dinner this Friday. And I am meeting Pearlyn and ZZ on Saturday. Having another birthday treat from Roger on Sunday. So blessed! Feel so loved.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
-10:58 AM
This one week holiday flies! Achieved much in one sense and little in another. Finished my extra assignment for English. Come to think of it, I should not put in so much effort for something that is not graded. Still have Science. Arrrrggggh. Did not do much with regards to other lesson plans.
Took Faith and Krystal to swim. Went out with TomSum and precious Joash too. Did my readings and homework for Cleansing Stream. Had a good long chat with one of my aunts and another friend. It is a wonder how much we can learn from listening to people and especially those whom we genuinely care about. The cost is time and the opportunity cost is boundless. Yet, we can find out so much about what is happening or had happened in their lives.
One of my brothers in Secondary school got my number and we had a great time catching up on the phone. I was the ‘Big Sister’ then and kind of cared for these younger brothers. Yes, he reminded me. Haha. That is why he wanted to find out how I have been. Amazing! It was such a pleasant surprise I almost did not know how to react. So much has happened and I did not really stop and think about friends whom have come into my life and are not really in the picture now.
My primary school classmate is getting married. Woah! It seems like yesterday that we were still dressed in our school uniforms and loitering at the void decks. And her wedding dinner is just 24 hours before the day that marks another year of my life on earth. I truly wish her a blissful marriage and ponder when it will be my turn. Big joke!
I managed to move out of the clutches of a friend. That tiny morsel of success was enough to sustain my excitement for a while. I must learn not to be a doormat. Poor Ting Shun told me about himself being made used of by those he used to consider friends. Same sentiments. Disappointment. Get out and get on.
I do not think a lot. I do not read into people’s actions and words most of the time, unless I feel that I need to. Simple? I think so. Uncle says something in Chinese about me which means something like ignorance is bliss. I am easily contented and that is me. When I care, I do go a little out of my way to care. Sometimes, I think my life is too boring with no surprises. Too simple. Haa.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
-10:30 PM
Went to Sharon’s blog and took this quiz for fun. Which Disney Princess am I? I am Cinderella, without step sisters though.
Dignified and hardworking. With a gentle and soft-spoken manner you have something many people don't - Patience. Even through the moments of heartbreak you're still able to hold onto all of your hopes and dreams. Bide your time; your dream will come true.I agree with part of it. I do hold on despite heartbreaks. Sometimes I think I am pretty silly to be like this. As for patience, I think it is running thin for some, especially two of my tuition students. They either fail to complete their homework or that they forget entirely what they have learnt last year. I can explain this minute and she forgets the next moment. I was exasperated and frankly speaking, haven’t quite recovered from it. I have been leaving their house in distress for the last few sessions and I refrained from raising my voice at them. Imagine, having to repeat the same old thing for umpteen times and they still don’t get it. It isn’t like this in the past. They were able to do it. What happened?
I went there this morning and till now, I still don’t feel good. I couldn’t smile properly. I couldn’t think properly. I am not in the mood for anything. I feel so much at a loss. My aunt got me to choose my own birthday present. We had a good long chat. Still, I am not happy. Am I carrying too much burden? I tried my best. I am not paid well as a matter-of-fact. But I am continuing out of a sense of responsibility. Can I sleep properly later, I wonder. And I have to see them again on Thursday. Each time I go there with an expectancy that they will ‘wake up’ and move on. But I am disappointed so far.
Wonder what is wrong with me. How I wish I can smile from the bottom of my heart. Feel like finding a corner to hide away from everything and everybody. Feel like screaming. Some will know that that is my way of letting out steam. After screaming, I feel better. Where can I scream now? What do I want? No idea. Perhaps only God knows.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
-8:53 PM
U :
Go and eat. I bought rice for you.
I : Ok.
A few hours later.
U : Where is the rice I bought?
I : I ate it. You told me to eat it.
U : When did I?
I : Just now.
U : No, I did not.
I : You did.
U :
Pay me $3.
I : Fine.
An sms from U to I :
I will give him (D) his red packet after dinner. Where are your manners? It is dinner time and you are still watching TV.
U’s girlfriend was there for dinner. Both of them were sitting at the table but the steamboat is not ready yet. F was watching TV as well and M was still in the kitchen.
I : D, you better come and sit at the dinner table or else you do not have manners too.
U : (With a stare) What do you mean?
You better shut your bloody mouth!
I : What ‘bloody mouth’? I do not see any blood coming out from my mouth.
U :
I hope blood will come out of your mouth soon.
I : No blood will come out of my mouth.
Dinner started.
M : A bowl for $3.
I : $3 for a bowl of noodles?
U :
That would remind her of something.
I : Do not worry. I will return you.
U : I will not take even if you return.
What is the point of reminding when you do not want it? What about the money you owe me? Asking me for $3 when you owe me many times that amount? Fine. I will return. If not for… … I would have blurted out… …
You spoilt my entire day. What made it worse? She stood by you! For years she has been doing this and I have had enough. Why? Just because you are a male and I am a female? I haven’t cried for a long time but you triggered it.
You opened the floodgate to my tear glands.
Think Uncle was shocked when he called and I sobbed. I stopped for a while and continued when we hung up. Nobody has used “bloody mouth” on me before. Nobody. To think that we were on “The tongue has the power of life and death” and you pronounced that on me! I reject that!
Wanted to blog about how great my CT (mentor in school) is and what God impressed on me while I was thinking about Him. Not really in the mood to now. Shall do it briefly lest I forget.
Mrs Theseira is a very nice and experienced teacher. Had HOD for aesthetics for last teaching assistantship and now, HOD for English. I learnt so much just by observing her on the first day! I learn something from her everyday. Actually, I see certain traits of hers similar to mine. Into discipline, meticulous, funny, systematic… But I felt weird because she did not really spend time talking to me nor giving me work to do. In fact, she rushed me to go for breaks whenever observations end. I started to question. I sms this concern to 3 people. Rus reminded me to
pray for her (believe in blessing our ‘bosses’) and my aunt also smsed me the next day. Aunt Bee Gim has been so encouraging by smsing me in the morning too. They must have prayed because without me asking verbally and purposely trying to find out, I realized that Mrs Theseira has been busy with other teachers for performance appraisals the very next day. Then she took the initiative to meet me at 1pm on Friday to discuss what we should do. My Father is the
GREATEST!
Was thinking about Him. Then the scene whereby Joash leaned towards me before I stretched my arms flashed across my mind. I was ecstatic. Sharon says he recognizes me and knowing that makes me smile. What about God? Can’t imagine His smile when we recognize Him. Be it in our work, little things, or just by calling Him ‘Father’. When we leaned towards Him, He is ever ready to embrace us (just like how much I want to carry Joash, hehe). And before Joash moves towards me, I want to hold him already. Before I want to run to Him,
He already desires to hold me close. The fact that He chooses to have and love me is WHAO!
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.
