rediscovering eden
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Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours
dailies
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
-9:31 PM
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.(*Wait till you see the last one*)!DORMITORY:When you rearrange the letters:DIRTY ROOMASTRONOMER:When you rearrange the letters:MOON STARERDESPERATION:When you rearrange the letters:A ROPE ENDS ITTHE EYES:When you rearrange the letters:THEY SEEGEORGE BUSH:When you rearrange the letters:HE BUGS GORETHE MORSE CODE:When you rearrange the letters:HERE COME DOTSSLOT MACHINES:When you rearrange the letters:CASH LOST IN MEANIMOSITY:When you rearrange the letters:IS NO AMITYELECTION RESULTS:When you rearrange the letters:LIES - LET'S RECOUNTSNOOZE ALARMS:When you rearrange the letters:ALAS! NO MORE Z 'SA DECIMAL POINT:When you rearrange the letters:I'M A DOT IN PLACETHE EARTHQUAKES:When you rearrange the letters:THAT QUEER SHAKEELEVEN PLUS TWO:When you rearrange the letters:TWELVE PLUS ONEAND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:MOTHER-IN-LAW:When you rearrange the letters:WOMAN HITLER
Sunday, April 22, 2007
-12:34 AM
Separations and reunions are part and parcel of life. Yet, both the exhilaration of get-together and feelings of loss come and go. And the startling fact that time flies is overwhelmingly frightening. Four student teachers have left. Took a picture with two of them. Left with 3 more weeks. Already am missing the children. Call me sentimental. I am.
Had to relieve a teacher in the afternoon session. Took over her primary one class. Brought them to the Singapore Sports School for their swimming lesson. Saw how a few scream and wail and cling on to my arms just to escape from the water. I am surprised at my own patience in coaxing them to give it a go. Witnessed how a few others overcame their fear and emerge out of the water, with smiles of victory. I mentioned to my colleagues that this is not just another swimming lesson. It is about molding your character, training your willingness to take risk and trust the swimming coach to hold you in the depths of chlorine filled water. Haha. And one of the coaches was FIERCE! This is one of the lovely children of T2. I find her so B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L! Her name is Alyssa. I asked for her permission to take a picture and she was so obliging. Love her dimples. A soft-spoken and obedient child. 
Been hounded by my primary twos for my age. I refused to tell them; asked them to keep guessing. Been receiving letters from them. Weird stuff, they write. I was amused. Asked me why do I always change my glasses. Expressed surprise that I could see without my glasses (was wearing my contact lenses) and exclaimed what big eyes I have without my spectacles. Cannot wait to see them again though the thought of having to come up with lesson plans and facing 3 observations on Monday and Tuesday are intimidating.
I will survive. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
-9:58 PM
The sun sprinkled its rays on the spotless, frosty ice. Floating lazily on the surface of the blue ocean were numerous frigid ice fragments. Chilly air hung silently in the arms of the majestic mountains, while the clouds seemed to stroll by quietly. The wintry wind was biting to my delicate skin. Some of the snow had melted, uncovering the bare surfaces of the mountains. The lone man appeared minute with the surrounding shingles, while the place was tranquil and lightly scented with frosty ice. Hushing the composed ocean from time to time were the frozen mountains. The atmosphere was quiescent except the disturbance from the little waves rushing excitedly onto the shore. The waves splashed onto the sand, eroding them bit by bit. For a moment, everything seemed to stand motionless when the sun, as round as a giant snowball, continued to kiss the man with its radiation.
The man turned his head and set his eyes upon me. The unspoken command came through and I followed him. He became my new acquaintance. We continued to explore the Arctic together. The sedate surroundings seductively beckoned us to go and on. The sun climbed further into the sky and almost disappeared behind the unruffled clouds. Our short shadows were cast over the unblemished snow. The invigorating wind commenced to race, while both of us began to shiver, our teeth chattering. In the distance towered another snow-capped, beautifully symmetrical volcanic mountain. The sight gave me a pleasant sensation of walking on air. I observed the surroundings in detail and it seemed that the Atlantic had spread out before us, like a piece of pale blue china.
Towards the left suddenly appeared a dilapidated hut out of nowhere. It was dingy compared to the pure snow encircling it. The hut was squalid, slummy and almost sagging with sadness. As I approached the derelict hut, I was nauseated. The ambrosial environment was overwhelmed with a rotten, stinking stench. The hut was fetid and noisome. I could hardly breathe and was amazed to see him not bothered by the polluted area. We briefly walked on, searching for the many awaiting surprises. We got near to the drifts of the sea water. It was crystal clear and I could see active tiny fishes, gliding about in the water, as they swam away frantically. I looked up, greeted again by the blue sky, filled with fleecy clouds. The atmosphere was saturated with gentle blowing wind, whispering sweet nothings to me.
It was a lovely walk, with the sun setting behind the mountains in a sea of liquid gold. The time came for us to bid farewell. I turned and walked on, accompanied by the sighing wind.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
-4:15 PM
One of pupils, who resembles Krystal. Beautiful.
Made this collage for my pupils. Took numerous pictures of them during the excursion to the Health Zone quite some time ago.
One love letter from my primary two boy. Adorable. Spelt my name wrongly though.
Took this when I went to Diaso with Tommy and Sharon. Joash looks so inviting (makes him sound like a dessert) in this picture.
It was Saturday night. No… it was in the wee hours of Sunday morning. I knew it was time to drift into slumber but was convicted otherwise. There was an urgent certainty that I needed to write those cards that morning, with almost half-opened eyes. It was during sermon time then I realized why.
The topic was on serving. If you want to be the first, you have to learn to be the last. Most of the cards which I wrote for some of my brothers and sisters were on serving with joy. They were mostly words of encouragement to serve in spite of the difficulties, exhaustion and constraints. Everything landed right.
I know how it feels. To be taken for granted when you have been doing so much. To be screamed at (whether verbally or not) when you are trying your best. To receive plenty of ill comments when they serve no purpose or help. To reach the point of utter fatigue in every aspect (spiritually, emotionally, physically etc.).
I reckon this is typical of melancholic people. But we must learn to build our joy on every little lovely thing. Focusing on the right source and invest! Everyone needs a little pat on the back and encouragement. Dear XXX, run a good, nope, it should be stupendous race. Remember, Gillian is always here if you need Aunt Agony.
Congratulations to those who will be going for their promotion or receiving their Wrong Service Awards. Oops, it should be Long Service Award. Funny. Overheard during contact time.
I woke up this morning with expectancy. I wanted so much to see my pupils. Sounds ridiculous. The piles of books and papers await, but so do the innocent smiles and ludicrous responses. Yes, they do make me angry but they are still my angels. I love to hear them call “Ms Gillian…”. Sweet…
Saturday, April 14, 2007
-4:51 PM
Am I being referred to?Not quite sure.And I still do not understand.Can I be explained to?I even dreamt of it.Scary.What can I do?Sometimes I wish,we can be explicit about things.Yet, we cannot impose on othersthe way we like things done.Suffering. Mind boggling.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
-11:56 PM
Maybe I cared too much
Maybe I am just stubborn
Maybe I see no wrong
Maybe I am too sensitive
Maybe I do not see the need to
Maybe I am just being me
Maybe I do not understand
Maybe I do, again
Maybe I want to keep guessing
Maybe I made a mistake
Maybe I will let it bug
Maybe, maybe… …
Thursday, April 05, 2007
-3:49 PM
I guess it is a matter of who I am dealing with. I may appear glum at times but I am just me. That’s my face. When I am quiet, it either means I have nothing to say or that I don’t feel like saying anything. I am not a perfect being and to be frank, I used to be superbly impatient and bad-tempered. I admit I have been quick-tempered at work, due to the mounting stress. There are just too many things to do and everything seems to be crying out for your attention. I have limited time and resources and I cannot be doing everything all the time. And I need my life!
Maybe I have been too nice? Haha. So when I am slightly not that nice, I appear to be very bad. Well, who cares? Actually, I do. When those I am close to seem to take it negatively. There are just people who are not responsible enough. They infringe on others’ time and boundaries. Maybe my line isn’t drawn clearly. I cannot be acceding to everyone’s request. I will die. I am already taking on too much and though I chose to do so, I have my reasons. My time is precious too and I have my own things to do. Sometimes I wish I can shut myself off from the entire world.
But there are people whom I enjoy myself with. I can laugh and rattle non-stop. It sounds contradictory but life is as such, isn’t it? I wonder why I behave certain way to certain people. I wonder why I hold my tongue from some and lash out on others. Stress. Stress. I think about things that others don’t think of and I may appear to be less intelligent. It does not matter anymore. There is this tension in me. Maybe it is the lack of sleep. Maybe it is my dissatisfactions and anguish hiding and waiting to pounce on something. It only takes a spark. That trigger.
But I am feeling okay now. I am slightly relaxed because I am finished with my observations for my supervisor from NIE. Still, I am left with 4 more for both my Coaching Teachers (CTs). I had the time to smile and talk to people today because I am done with my markings. Yes! Thanks to all the hours put in for the last few days. I try to finish and not accumulate work. My perseverance paid off. Managed to chat with a few teachers (I used to find them rather hostile) in school just now. Even in the ladies. I am surprised they know my name. I can only recognize their faces. The teachers seem pretty nice. I am starting to like most of them. Haha. It is a beautiful Thursday!
Wanted to thank Tommy and Sharon. They have been such good friends and lovely parents of darling Joash. I think I am showered with lots of privileges just by being Jo Jo’s Jie Jie Godma (and I emphasized on ‘Jie Jie’). They gave me a CD for my birthday and even brought me to a nice restaurant for dinner. The food was good and the variety, nerve- wrecking. I almost could not make up my fickle mind. You should take a look at Sharon’s blog for a clearer verdict on the entire experience. Most importantly, the company was a huge bonus. I was up since 5am but the dinner perked me up. Or should I say that Joash is my source for the surge in energy level? Hehe.
Joash is learning and getting better at walking. Those nice and sexy legs in the picture belongs to Sharon. The other pair in jeans belongs to Tommy. That is a picture of my food, with the sausage all cut into bite-size. Could not go without chili sauce. Seriously, I will want to go to the restaurant again if I have the chance. Vines. Hm… … and I forgot to mention the blueberry cheese pie was delicious too. Uncle would not agree though. Still, I enjoyed sinking my teeth into the cold pastry. Yummy! Zhiyong should try too.
