dailies
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
-9:03 PM
Everything was very structured and well organized, and it was good to see familiar faces. That was how I felt on my first day reporting to AAA Primary School. The only drawback was that everybody thinks I am very familiar with the school’s system. This is entirely untrue because I have not been back for more than 2 years! And we all know the cliché – the only constant is change.
Went to another school to hold an enrichment program and I was rather appalled by the discipline of the pupils. I am still coughing and the fact that there were numerous events going on in the campus did not help in my giving of instructions and teaching. I almost lost my voice.
I was buying something to quench my thirst at a Chinese medicinal shop on Monday. Unfortunately, all the bottled herbal teas were all refrigerated. Due to my cough, I explained and asked the shop owner for one at room temperature. But he insisted that it is alright to take cold drinks. In the end, I was duped. I managed to purchase cough syrup at a shop near my place just now and was cautioned against consuming chicken, fish, grapes, oranges and cold beverages. COLD BEVERAGES! All for the sake of business? Argh! And I think I have to be a vegetarian for the next few days?
It feels really good to lend a helping hand right at the start of the day. Baby Kevian (was making an attempt to spell when I heard his name from his mother, but I failed) was following his mother out for shopping. Kudos to his beautiful mother for having to carry him, another big bag and a pram! His mum and I had a short conversation on the bus and she was actually lamenting to me how tough it is to be a teacher these days when she knew of my occupation.
There was a couple just opposite me in the train. They were listening to some music. I must commend the boyfriend for being sweet. I supposed the gal was not used to having the left ear-plug and so she returned it to her man. Guess what? He promptly took off his right ear-plug and offered it to her, which she accepted with a smile. It is the little things that count, but sadly, it is the little things we fail to be thankful for.
How much does “I love you” mean? To some, it slips out from the mouth with ease and without much thought. To some, it is a bundle of intense and sincere feelings that is seldom verbalized. I had experienced these three words being messaged to me through the phone but it feels drastically different each time. Talk about using it as a medium! It is paramount to use it earnestly though.
I am going to Bangkok! Some feel that I must be mad to make my way there during this turbulent period. Some are already saying their prayers for me. Haha. Nonetheless, I cannot wait to be out of Singapore. Danny is even counting down! It is astounding to know of guys who enjoy shopping so I believe I will enjoy myself this time round.
These two pictures were taken some time back, when we went to the airport to send Adrian off. I was the brightest in green. Haha. And I ponder over the resemblance between Justin and I. Or could it be our side views? Hm… … Many said that we talk alike. Haha. Especially his girlfriend..JPG)
Saturday, May 26, 2007
-1:06 AM
I am very proud of my brothers, whether or not they are related to me by blood. These are two of my precious, Didi Dardar (Daryl) and Ah Di (Kian Kei), whose faithfulness (amongst many other virtues) shines. Not only are they capable in their own niche areas, they are also good-looking and love children. This was taken some time ago. Believe me, they look even better now!
And my dear (real) bro bought me chocolates! I know I am not ready to eat them now with my cough but I really am appreciative of his action. I just expressed surprise to him three days ago at Vanhouten’s ‘new’ White Chocolate Almonds and lo and behold, here it is!
Went to school today and caught up a little with Ashri, Anitha, Amirah and Khairul. This is Ashri, the teacher who has a song for every occasion and situation. Wondering why he isn't smiling that much. Trust me, I have nothing to do with it.
These are Amirah and Anitha, together with Ashri at the back.
Managed to disturb one other dear friend, who spent close to 2 hours, showing me the impressive photographs which he took. And it was such a coincidence that we were sending each other a message simultaneously some time after we parted. He makes me laugh, all the time, somehow.
Was very uplifted by what Simon shared too - his seven months of life at YWAM. Indeed, we should feel encouraged and edified after meeting people. Else, there is very little that is of worth to chew on.
I am taken aback by how fast news can travel. My past pupils sent me smses to query about my return to AAA Primary School. Well, they wanted to meet me up for lunch or something, and expressed interest to sit in for my lesson again! Amazing! And a few of my students from SSS Primary School also sent me emails and messages to ask about my well-being. These are the kind of intangible returns when you teach!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
-11:37 AM
I was feeling all groggy and weak most of the time. Perhaps it was the medicine that made me drowsy. I was coughing out thick green phlegm. At times, my face turned a cherry red when I coughed, and tears welled up in my eyes. The throbbing severe migraine was there, which intensified each time I coughed. My shoulders ached. I felt like I was on death bed. Although I could sleep better then, due to the stronger dosage of medicine, I was not satisfied. I felt like a piece of gelatin. Could not really do anything. I wanted to go out! I wanted to go to school. I wanted to be able to laugh and chat with my friends endlessly. Lamenting in agony and semi-conscious state, that was how I spent my last weekend. I simply ate my medicine after food and slept all the way. Perhaps these explain my speedy recovery. I am almost there now, thanks to all my friends. The love messages sent through heart-felt prayers and mobile phones, I’ve received them all.
Thanks to the greatest Mummy who cooked for me so that I could eat my food and then the medicine. Thanks to Pearlyn and ZZ who reminded me to take my medicine faithfully. Thanks to TomSumJojo for praying for me. Hee. Thanks to Didi Dardar, Wendy Senior and Junior, Michelle, Rus, Chris and Marie for sending their regards to me. Thanks to Mun Loon for almost coming to my house with medicine. Thanks to Justin for scaring me with the threat of Dengue fever and making me laugh despite my pain. What will life be without these gems?
I like this song – Any Dream Will Do
I closed my eyes, drew back the curtainTo see for certain what I thought I knewFar far away, someone was weepingBut the world was sleepingAny dream will doI wore my coat, with golden liningBright colours shining, wonderful and newAnd in the east, the dawn was breakingAnd the world was wakingAny dream will doA crash of drums, a flash of lightMy golden coat flew out of sightThe colours faded into darknessI was left aloneMay I return to the beginningThe light is dimming, and the dream is tooThe world and I, we are still waitingStill hesitatingAny dream will do A crash of drums, a flash of lightMy golden coat flew out of sightThe colours faded into darknessI was left aloneMay I return to the beginningThe light is dimming, and the dream is tooThe world and I, we are still waitingStill hesitatingAny dream will do
Saturday, May 19, 2007
-9:29 PM
My entire stomach was nearly thrown up. That was how bad I felt this morning. Although the phlegm is almost gone, the fearful cough has set in. I was kept awake until five in the morning because of my itchy throat. My mum saw how bad I was coughing and forced me to see the doctor. I did. Another four different medicine. Just for my cough. The doctor said it will last for a few days; inevitable due to the inflammation of my upper respiratory system (at least that was what the gentle doctor explained). I cannot believe it. The last time I visited the doctor was in 2005 and within one week this year, I had seen him twice. I dread to be sick.
My whole neck seems to be in excruciating pain. The sting seems to permeate and redistribute itself to the rest of the body each time I cough. No matter how gently I do it, the agonizing soreness only intensifies. I drown myself with warm water but it is not much of a relief. If I could, I feel like chopping off my entire neck. My voice has changed. I could not even speak loudly. Getting saliva or food down the throat becomes real tedious work. I expressed concern to the doctor that I was afraid I am having sore throat because the pain extended all the way to my ears. He assured me that I am fine but there is swelling, which is causing all the pain. My coughing is giving me a headache as well. It is affecting my sleep and my mood. It is pain here, pain there, pain everywhere. Wretched feeling. Help!!! And all thanks to my cough, I cannot see Joash. I cannot play with him. I cannot talk to him. I cannot hug him. I am so miserable!!! Argh… …
Friday, May 18, 2007
-5:27 PM
Your Birthdate: March 24
For you, love is a natural progression from friendship. You are almost always friends first. In love, you are loyal, steady, and honest. You are not a cheater or even much of a flirt. You are likely to stay friends with your ex... and open to rekindling something in the future.
Number of True Loves You'll Have: 4
Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 1
You are most compatible with people born on the 6th, 15th, and 24th of the month.
Well, I certainly hope so, that I am a faithful lover. And I think I am. As for compatibility on the days, I will have to test it out. Hehe.
You Communicate With Your Ears
You love conversations, both as a listener and a talker.What people say is important to you, and you're often most affected by words, not actions.You love to hear compliments from others. And when you're upset, you often talk to yourself. Music is very important to you. It's difficult to find you without your iPod.
I can do without music. Sometimes, solitude is a luxury. But words are important to me. And I do not really talk to myself verbally. Maybe in my mind and through writing.
-5:18 PM
My name, Gillian.
It is of
Latin origin, and its meaning is "
youthful".
From the name 'Jill', which means 'girl' or 'sweetheart'.
Haha. Was curious and did a search.
-4:23 PM
A bittersweet goodbye to you. Since you refuse to respond to my plead. Grieve over it. Time to erase.
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Caught up with Rus over dinner at Fish & Co. Back to the same seats (weird!) and I had the soup, sautéed vegetables (need fiber) and fried calamari. Bad choice because I am not supposed to eat fried food – detrimental to my throat. But the soup was heaven! With every morsel, I could see, taste and smell the mushroom. Costly at $3.90 for a petite cup. Could not finish the calamari (and thank God I did not) and took around half of it to Tommy and Sharon. Rus had grilled salmon with the soup and passion fruit carbonated drink (the only carbonated drink that I will never turn down). Took a sip. Hehe. Rebellious streak in me manifesting.
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The thick phlegm is still there and I am desperately trying to get them out. I blew with all my might and sometimes, my nose will bleed as well. Appalling! It is developing into a cough; I could feel it – the wriggly feeling in your throat. Eeeks! I really hated taking the pills. If I don’t get well by the end of it, I am going to purchase Chinese medicine. I don’t like this feeling at all. The viscous phlegm affects my breathing, especially in air-conditioned rooms and at night. Please, I want to get in the pink of health as soon as I can.
Monday, May 14, 2007
-9:13 PM
My medicine. One can cause diarrhea, one can cause gastric and one can cause drowsiness. Frightening.
Pride. It makes you oblivious to your own weaknesses – the kind you claim to see in others. Environment. Stop lamenting on how it has molded you negatively – be brave and courageous, move on and change yourself positively. Wealth. Used to affluent lifestyle - make money a servant than a master. Grief. Pains your heart and permeates through every cell – it is a medicine if you know how to use it but becomes a drug if you abuse it. Anger. It is a letter short of danger – and it is capable to hurt immeasurably.
I thought it is you. I realized it is mine too. I was too prideful to find out why. But when I attempted to, it failed. It was devastating. Still, I decided to give it another go. But you did not respond to it. What else can I do? Am like a fool. An sms is inadequate. I need more than that. Grief is not a good medicine when seeking forgiveness and learning how to forgive is more superior. Why settle for second best when the best is offered to me? My ego. My pride is the open door for it all. I prayed about it. I surrendered you to God. A friend loves at all times. Even through adversities. I tried. Maybe I was not good enough.
-2:21 PM
This is Jia Jia. I taught her last year for a brief period of time (5 weeks) and grew a little attached to her. Her eyes were glistening when I told her I am going off again.
This is Lester, one of the 'blur' kings in my Primary two class. But he is super adorable. I love the way he calls me.
Messy Esther... from eating chocolate ice-cream. And she enthusiastically put up her hands and posed for this picture.
This is the birthday boy whom I celebrated with at Fish and Co. He was standing on his chair with a sparkler, and being serenaded with a birthday song from strangers.
Took this back in late March, with my hair tied up. I think I really look like a Malay here. Am one-eighth Peranakan leh. Haha.
-2:08 PM
A few of Joash's pictures. He is simply mesmerising.
He looks cute in this. Evil grin, yeah?
He enjoys touching cold things. But I allowed him to stay here for too long. His tiny hands got too cold. What a letdown am I as a Godma...
He resembles someone in this picture but I cannot put a finger to it. Someone from Sesame Street!
Bought hot chocolate at McDonald's and Joash tried some.
Took this with precious Jo at Swensons.
-1:27 PM
I did not realize I am sick! Been popping lozenges and pills to suppress the sore throat. I had to finish teaching the topics to be tested during the semestral assessment 1. I tolerated the freezing room where I had to mark (make the room sounds alive, yah?). I had to raise my voice when I teach so that the furthest pupil can hear me. And the late nights did not help. Finally, I went to the doctor. Inflamed throat and imminent flu. My ears are blocked. The 5 packets of medicine and 2 days of MC cost me $41. And I waited for more than 2 hours at the clinic, where other viruses attacked me as well. The doctor was rather surprised to see me there because the last time I visited the doctor was in 2005! It is difficult for the doctor to earn my money as I have always been a quack doctor whenever I feel unwell. Guess my emotional tank and state have been too conducive for any virus to thrive. I need to rest, after so long. I cannot afford to be sick for too long. I still have friends to catch up with. Mere words will fail to express how much I miss them! And when I am sick, I cannot see Xin Kai. That is the ultimate agony! Xin Kai is not my boyfriend. I am still, sadly, single. Haha. He is Joash. I will never want to pass the viruses to him.
Want to share this before I take my medicine and rest. Took this for fun some time back. How much truth is in there?
You entered: Tan Pao Yun Gillian
There are 16 letters in your name. Those 16 letters total to 74. There are 7 vowels and 9 consonants in your name.
Your number is: 11
The characteristics of #11 are: High spiritual plane, intuitive, illumination, idealist, a dreamer.
The expression or destiny for #11:
Your Expression number is 11.
The number 11 is the first of the master numbers. It is associated with idealistic concepts and rather spiritual issues. Accordingly, it is a number with potentials that are somewhat more difficult to live up to. You have the capacity to be inspirational, and the ability to lead merely by your own example. An inborn inner strength and awareness can make you an excellent teacher, social worker, philosopher, or advisor. No matter what area of work you pursue, you are very aware and sensitive to the highest sense of your environment. Your intuition is very strong; in fact, many psychic people and those involved in occult studies have the number 11 expression. You possess a good mind with keen analytical ability. Because of this you can probably succeed in most lines of work, however, you will do better and be happier outside of the business world (my guardian angel told me this before!). Oddly enough, even here you generally succeed, owing to your often original and unusual approach. Nonetheless, you are more content working with your ideals, rather than dollars and cents.
The positive aspect of the number 11 expression is an always idealistic attitude. Your thinking is long term, and you are able to grasp the far-reaching effects of actions and plans. You are disappointed by the shortsighted views of many of your contemporaries. You are deeply concerned and supportive of art, music, or of beauty in any form.
The negative attitudes associated with the number 11 expression include a continuous sense of nervous tension; you may be too sensitive and temperamental. You tend to dream a lot and may be more of a dreamer than a doer (in certain aspects, yes, but mostly I would say it is a ‘no’). Fantasy and reality sometimes become intermingled and you are sometimes very impractical. You tend to want to spread the illumination of your knowledge to others irrespective of their desire or need.
Your Soul Urge number is: 3
A Soul Urge number of 3 means:
With the Soul Urge number 3 your desire in life is personal expression, and generally enjoying life to its fullest. You want to participate in an active social life and enjoy a large circle of friends (kind of hard with limited time and endless responsibilities but I remember I used to organize class gatherings all the way to secondary school days until I felt so tired working alone to maintain the get-to-together). You want to be in the limelight, expressing your artistic or intellectual talents. Word skills may be your thing; speaking, writing, acting, singing (oh yes, I love to act and sing). In a positive sense, the 3 energy is friendly, outgoing and always very social.
You have a decidedly upbeat attitude that is rarely discouraged; a good mental and emotional balance.
The 3 Soul Urge gives intuitive insight, thus, very high creative and inspirational tendencies. The truly outstanding trait shown by the 3 Soul Urge is that of self-expression, regardless of the field of endeavor.
On the negative side, you may at times become too easygoing and too optimistic, tending to scatter forces and accomplish very little. Often, the excessive 3 energy produces non-stop talkers (I do rattle non-stop at times). Everyone has faults, but the 3 soul urge doesn't appreciate having these pointed out.
Your Inner Dream number is: 8
An Inner Dream number of 8 means: You dream of success in the business or political world, of power and control of large material endeavors. You crave authority and recognition of executive skills. Your secret self may have very strong desire to become an entrepreneur (I cannot agree more for this! But I need to build my resources and capital first).
http://www.paulsadowski.com/Numbers.asp
Saturday, May 12, 2007
-12:23 AM
It has been so long since I last blog. Practicum is finally over. Well, I was busy trying to rush through and finish the syllabus for Semestral Assessment 1. The marking was horrendous, especially for Science and model drawing for Mathematics. Teaching English, Math and Science is no joke. Still, the students are lovely. Okay, exclude the occasional misbehaviours of a few boys.
I am going to let it off. Sorry. I am totally put off… … My last week in school was infested with relief duties everyday. There were days I had to do so for two periods. My farewell gift from the school? Or the HOD in charge of doing the schedule? Why am I always getting last minute’s notice of things which I must do? Are student teachers meant to be exploited? I only had an estimated of 20 minutes’ of break on my last day! And I did not really have the chance to bid farewell to my angels. The system and standard operation procedures are topsy-turvy. Appalling way of working! Are they trying too hard to surprise us with bombshells of tasks? Not impressed at all. Or is this reality?
Got to know my posting too. Am going to the school of my preference. After all, my ‘kakis’ are there. This is a great relief for me because I know and appreciate how the system in AAA primary school works. I am definitely more comfortable there although the work load is heavier. I will get to save on transportation costs and the food there is more palatable. Cannot bear to leave the children and a few fellow colleagues. They made my days in SSS primary school colourful. Made and gave them something. Ashri called when Alfiah and I were having lunch. Tears welled up in my eyes. Very emo but that is me. Why? Life will be different without Ashri singing the blues away and Meizhen and Alfiah chatting endlessly with me. It is back to NIE for another two weeks. I want to get out of here.
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If anyone enjoys being sung to by total strangers, holding on a sparkler while standing on a chair, and given a loud cheer at the end of it all, I suggest you go to Fish & Co. to celebrate your birthday. That was exactly what happened when I gave Zhiyong his birthday treat. It was altogether an unforgettable experience for me. Why? We were seated right in front of the counter and all of a sudden, after the waiter had taken our orders, a jug of ice cold plain water fell on my feet. My shoes were soaked with water, with a zest of lemon. I think I smell good enough already. Anyway, the crew was very apologetic, with the surrounding bewildered customers staring at us. We had to say "It is okay" umpteen times before they changed our seats.
We had an enjoyable dinner of New York Fish & Chips. Don't ask me how on earth my dinner derived its name. All I know is that I like the cheese embedded inside. The crucial part came. Mr Nice refused to let me pay and I had to convince the waiter that it was a birthday treat from me to the gentleman in red. In the end, the waiter told me to wait for a while. He came back with a sparkler and got the birthday boy to stand on his chair, holding the brightly lit stick like a child. He then announced to everyone in the restaurant that it was Zhiyong's birthday. The crew got everyone singing "Happy Birthday" and ended off with a thunderous cheer, which I could not really make out.
Did I mention that they gave him a free ice-cream? The star of the night seemed very pleased. After all, it was his first birthday song this year.
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What happened? Can you tell me please? It just refused to go away, though I know it is quite meaningless. Will this add on to my list of regrets in Gillian’s life? I wrote you a letter. I wonder if it has reached you. If it did, why is there not a word of reply or acknowledgement? Almost drowning in tears and crying to sleep on atrabilious nights. Even Didi Dardar realized that I was not my usual self that evening. Did I do something wrong to warrant such treatment and aloofness? I cannot remember a thing! Are we total strangers now? I bit my lips when we walked past each other. My reflex in an attempt to control my tear ducts from revealing how weak I am. I genuinely wish I could be stronger and care less about how I am being handled as a friend. There were moments of imagined impulse to confront you about this silence. Are you still with me? Our friendship is worth only this much? Once I am in the privacy of my room, I cannot help but let it all flow again. No amount of eye cream is going to help. It may ease the puffiness but it is not alleviating the pain at all. I may appear impervious to numerous matters but this is killing me softly, slowly and surely. When will it end?
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Sharon, thanks for hearing me out. Thanks for being such a wonderful friend. Thanks for shopping with me. Thanks for rubbing off your infectious joy on me. Thanks for always being so encouraging. Thanks for always being ready to listen. Thanks for disciplining Joash when I am bullied by him. Hehe. You are one of the few gems I know of who authentically desires to help others in becoming better persons. There is no amount of gifts that I can give to communicate the kind of gratefulness I have for you. I really thank God for you. You are always so candid and real. And not forgetting your dear husband who patiently carried Jojo when we were shopping. How can I leave Jojo out of the picture? He is almost my daily supply of vitamin S (I smile when I think of or see him). It is quite traumatic to see him wail at full volume though. His loss of voice is even more disturbing. Thanks!
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