rediscovering eden
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Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours
dailies
Saturday, May 12, 2007
-12:23 AM
It has been so long since I last blog. Practicum is finally over. Well, I was busy trying to rush through and finish the syllabus for Semestral Assessment 1. The marking was horrendous, especially for Science and model drawing for Mathematics. Teaching English, Math and Science is no joke. Still, the students are lovely. Okay, exclude the occasional misbehaviours of a few boys.
I am going to let it off. Sorry. I am totally put off… … My last week in school was infested with relief duties everyday. There were days I had to do so for two periods. My farewell gift from the school? Or the HOD in charge of doing the schedule? Why am I always getting last minute’s notice of things which I must do? Are student teachers meant to be exploited? I only had an estimated of 20 minutes’ of break on my last day! And I did not really have the chance to bid farewell to my angels. The system and standard operation procedures are topsy-turvy. Appalling way of working! Are they trying too hard to surprise us with bombshells of tasks? Not impressed at all. Or is this reality?
Got to know my posting too. Am going to the school of my preference. After all, my ‘kakis’ are there. This is a great relief for me because I know and appreciate how the system in AAA primary school works. I am definitely more comfortable there although the work load is heavier. I will get to save on transportation costs and the food there is more palatable. Cannot bear to leave the children and a few fellow colleagues. They made my days in SSS primary school colourful. Made and gave them something. Ashri called when Alfiah and I were having lunch. Tears welled up in my eyes. Very emo but that is me. Why? Life will be different without Ashri singing the blues away and Meizhen and Alfiah chatting endlessly with me. It is back to NIE for another two weeks. I want to get out of here.
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If anyone enjoys being sung to by total strangers, holding on a sparkler while standing on a chair, and given a loud cheer at the end of it all, I suggest you go to Fish & Co. to celebrate your birthday. That was exactly what happened when I gave Zhiyong his birthday treat. It was altogether an unforgettable experience for me. Why? We were seated right in front of the counter and all of a sudden, after the waiter had taken our orders, a jug of ice cold plain water fell on my feet. My shoes were soaked with water, with a zest of lemon. I think I smell good enough already. Anyway, the crew was very apologetic, with the surrounding bewildered customers staring at us. We had to say "It is okay" umpteen times before they changed our seats.
We had an enjoyable dinner of New York Fish & Chips. Don't ask me how on earth my dinner derived its name. All I know is that I like the cheese embedded inside. The crucial part came. Mr Nice refused to let me pay and I had to convince the waiter that it was a birthday treat from me to the gentleman in red. In the end, the waiter told me to wait for a while. He came back with a sparkler and got the birthday boy to stand on his chair, holding the brightly lit stick like a child. He then announced to everyone in the restaurant that it was Zhiyong's birthday. The crew got everyone singing "Happy Birthday" and ended off with a thunderous cheer, which I could not really make out.
Did I mention that they gave him a free ice-cream? The star of the night seemed very pleased. After all, it was his first birthday song this year.
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What happened? Can you tell me please? It just refused to go away, though I know it is quite meaningless. Will this add on to my list of regrets in Gillian’s life? I wrote you a letter. I wonder if it has reached you. If it did, why is there not a word of reply or acknowledgement? Almost drowning in tears and crying to sleep on atrabilious nights. Even Didi Dardar realized that I was not my usual self that evening. Did I do something wrong to warrant such treatment and aloofness? I cannot remember a thing! Are we total strangers now? I bit my lips when we walked past each other. My reflex in an attempt to control my tear ducts from revealing how weak I am. I genuinely wish I could be stronger and care less about how I am being handled as a friend. There were moments of imagined impulse to confront you about this silence. Are you still with me? Our friendship is worth only this much? Once I am in the privacy of my room, I cannot help but let it all flow again. No amount of eye cream is going to help. It may ease the puffiness but it is not alleviating the pain at all. I may appear impervious to numerous matters but this is killing me softly, slowly and surely. When will it end?
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Sharon, thanks for hearing me out. Thanks for being such a wonderful friend. Thanks for shopping with me. Thanks for rubbing off your infectious joy on me. Thanks for always being so encouraging. Thanks for always being ready to listen. Thanks for disciplining Joash when I am bullied by him. Hehe. You are one of the few gems I know of who authentically desires to help others in becoming better persons. There is no amount of gifts that I can give to communicate the kind of gratefulness I have for you. I really thank God for you. You are always so candid and real. And not forgetting your dear husband who patiently carried Jojo when we were shopping. How can I leave Jojo out of the picture? He is almost my daily supply of vitamin S (I smile when I think of or see him). It is quite traumatic to see him wail at full volume though. His loss of voice is even more disturbing. Thanks!
