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Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours

-11:07 PM





-10:41 PM

This darling was entertaining himself during Youth Service...


Please, no 4D...

This is too sweet...

This is better...

Times of refreshing
Here in Your presence
No greater blessing
Than being with You
My soul is restored
My mind is renewed
There’s no greater joy Lord
Than being with You

Restore in me the joy of my salvation!

I want to sing till I am lost in Your love
Till I am found in Your presence
Worshipping before Your throne
Filled with Your spirit entering into Your throne
How precious this moment
Lord I want You to know
It’s You, You who have won my heart
Taken me into Your arms
Comforted me like a friend
Your love surrounded me from the start
I never want to be apart from You ever again

I cannot fully comprehend the loss or pain. And though I cannot be by your side physically, I am with you - my prayers are with you.

-11:05 PM

I think I understand the tension in you. You don’t know what you want. It is a dream. You were once in hot pursuit of it. But now, you decided to settle for the second best. Yet, you couldn’t let go of that dream. Why? Your heart is not with what you are holding on to now. A dream is still a dream. I cannot help you. I am sorry. If it was in the past, I would probably despise your choice. But now, I think I understand the tension in you.

How does it feel to hold a torch for someone?

Absolutely hot!

Especially when it is during a blackout.

=D Trying to be corny here...


-11:39 PM

Whatever your cross,
whatever your pain,
there will always be sunshine,
after the rain ....

Perhaps you may stumble,
perhaps even fall,
but God's always ready,
to answer your call ...

He knows every heartache,
sees every tear,
a word from His lips,
can calm every fear ...

Your sorrows may linger,
throughout the night,
but suddenly vanish,
in dawn's early light ...

The Savior is waiting,
somewhere above,
to give you His grace,
and send you His love ...

Whatever your cross,
whatever your pain,
God always sends rainbows
after the rain ...

- Sent to me by a dear student


-11:35 PM



To read the captions, please bring the cursor to the pictures =D




-5:04 PM

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable.

- CS Lewis


-12:10 PM

This is the first time - Joash's excretion leaked out of his diaper and onto part of my jeans and leg - and I hope it will be the last? I really didn't expect it and perhaps it was my punishment for the desperate attempt to make him say 'mama' instead of 'papa'. And yes, I was tempting him with food as well. Hee... Be tickled by this dramatic demonstration... >.<


-11:52 AM




-3:57 PM

Spent my weekend in JB at Hotel Selesa with TomSumJo, Didar, Mich and Dap. It was an attempt to reminisce good old times? We created great new ones although we failed to punk Didar emotionally. This boy is going for his National Service soon and we wanted to encourage him with a little out-of-Singapore experience? Haha. His impending birthday is another reason for this short trip. The affordable and mouth-watering seafood is another absolute attraction.

We bought whipped cream just to smear on Didar. The lipsticks used to sketch on him were spontaneously sponsored by Sharon. We stripped him – waist up only. The initial plan was for me to pretend to get angry at him for something but it was too sudden so he did not buy it. Instead, Mich was totally taken in and was rather annoyed at me until I told her about the punking plan. I shouldn’t be playing such roles anymore. People are too used to my brilliant acting skills? >.<

Mich was mistaken to be my sister when we were swimming in the hotel pool. I wish my teeth are as neat and pearly white as hers. A stranger even thought it was quite ridiculous for me to be swimming during this period because I ought to be fasting (mistaken to be Malay once again)! Argh… …

I had my nails painted professionally for the first time in my life! And it was probably the last colour I would usually use – dark maroon. A huge deviation from my range of transparent and pearl nail polishes. The two complementary nail arts, pretty white flowers and green leaves, landed on my toes. I was a little anxious because part of my cuticles were trimmed off. The entire process was a quarter nerve wrecking, a quarter novel, a quarter painted with questions and a quarter relaxing. And I think I would look rather exotic if I doll up but I was draped in casual clothings – terrible contrast.

I also had a heartbreaking and deafening experience on the last night - trying to get Joash to sleep. I was cuddling him in my arms and singing a song repetitively. Unfortunately, he knew very well the others were partying in the other connected room. He was about to doze off when a phone rang. He started screaming into my ears and his tears were like water streaming out of the tap. I was almost on the verge of tears myself. I knew he had to go to sleep and thank God, Tommy came in to rescue me from my ordeal. Sharon said this is what happens almost every night when the little prince is on his way to dreamland. Frightening experience for me – it pains to see him cry in that manner…

Took around 150 pictures for the brief holiday but only posted around 80 on my blog. Take a look – Didar’s exclusive pictures are available for sale at a dollar each. Haha.


-8:37 PM




-8:36 PM




-10:32 PM

Never expected MJL to be this mischievous. I must say he has learnt how to let his hair down. He would never have done such things in the past. I guess it must be because he is leaving soon and how nice it would be to make a few more friends before that. And he is full of expressions! I love to hear him speak though I am trying to listen at the same time. And what is even more surprising is that he uses a handkerchief! Tell me, how many men use handkerchiefs these days? I tend to think extremely well of guys who do that. Hee.

MKO is getting better now. Nonetheless, there are still sexual connotations rushing out from his mouth from time to time. He did it again today and Marie picked it up! He even went on to rattle about the ‘love bridge’ between NTU and NIE – does that have anything to do with our tutorial on implicatures? A few of us were having a small talk during our five-minute break and I asked him if there was any implicatures when he asked us about something. Haha! Caught him!

I like DRT. She is another person whom I enjoy hearing. Alright, I do listen to her as well. And I find her cute. Don’t know why though. She made me laugh really hard today and this is the first time since I know her. She isn’t feeling very well and I can’t stand the fact that those behind just cannot let her say her piece in peace. Argh… Went to her website too – interesting!

I bruised myself badly. This is what you can see if you look at my knee now. Ouch! Boohoo...






-6:38 PM




-6:22 PM




-12:09 AM

She was late for 45 minutes… though the rest were not punctual too. Why? She slept late after the hoo-ha at Seletar dam and supper at Jalan Kayu. Do you know what happens to her when she gets insufficient sleep? She gets zany. Ben thought she was amusingly crazy! She sang, on and off, as she fidgeted in her seat in the library. She told funny jokes. She laughed at the slightest mistake made. The rest of the group members – Pearlyn, Sharon and Cheryl – looked on with wonder and a tinge of perplexity. That is always Gillian when deprived of sufficient rest. Are you afraid now? Hahaha...


-11:49 PM




-11:31 PM

Celebrated Daphne's and Simon's birthday. We had dinner at a Thai Chinese Restaurant at Chong Pang area. Tommy, Sharon and Joash had to go back because my beloved Godson is having a cold. The rest of us continued with dessert at a rather new stall off Sembawang Road. The exciting part came. We made our way to Seletar dam, sat there and started singing. Too bad, no one gave us money. Haha. We waited patiently for the rest to join us while Simon continued strumming his guitar without suspecting anything. The birthday durian came at slightly after 2345. Was rather exhausted by then but we made our way to Jalan Kayu for supper. I had one stick of satay and ice teh. Got home close to 0200. Thanks to Evon for sending me back. Pictures galore!!! Scroll down and feast your eyes!


-11:28 PM




-11:22 PM




-11:15 PM




-1:39 AM

This makes me happy... ...

-12:53 AM

What else do you want to be delivered? I^} * {^I

-11:59 PM



Here is another beautiful cake… which Tommy, Andrew, Michelle and I bought for Simon. His birthday is tomorrow and since we were having our worship practice just now, we celebrated with him after it ended at 9.30pm.

Here is Simon with his usual pose when there is food?! (*o*)

And there I was, taking this picture of the four guys… just because I was then the thorn among the roses… haha…

This was my supper – super silky smooth tao huey. It is comparable to the one I used to go for near Selegie Road. Nicky will be glad that this new stall is in Yishun! And you can get you tiao, curry puffs, Portuguese egg tarts etc. there as well.

This is what greets my eyes almost every night.

I am close to being done with it. Forgiven. On my way to forgetting it. I am made for greater things. Perfect love drives out all fear. There is nothing worth this unnecessary burden. Who am I to carry it?

I wonder why he chose to insult me. Well, his remarks stand no ground. I know. God knows. My closer friends know. I choose to love because He first loved me. Here is my heart. Make it Your sanctuary.


-11:45 PM



In the beginning, there were these biscuits which had the power to lead nostalgic humans through memory lane. We were bewitched! Hehehe... we started chatting about the kind of tidbits we used to eat when we were younger. Argh… …

These are the ones with orange cream which we were munching away happily before the 5.30pm lecture. I know there is another rectangular version with vanilla cream though.

Celebrated Andrew’s birthday at Swensons just now. He is officially 31 years old! And I was the youngest there (in a group of 11, excluding Jojo). Felt good! Kekeke. TomSumJo, Michelle and I bought him a T-shirt as a present. But I will be getting him something else, in addition, with Simon.

As usual, I could not help but dug some whipped cream from his Firehouse and smeared it on his face. Hehe. Childish yah? But all day’s work and no play make Gil a dull girl. And Ah Drew actually ate the whipped cream after that. Eeeks! *_*

I had Hazel Daze, which Tony could not resist helping himself to, though he had ordered something else for himself. And I created a rather big joke (as everyone was laughing though I had no inkling why) because I thought he wanted to share ice-cream with me when he asked me what I would like. No offence, Ming En (Tony's lovely wife)!

It is always nice to celebrate birthdays with a group of friends- almost like soaking yourself in diluted maple syrup! A little sticky, sweet and scrumptious! (,")(",) Having Jojo manja and plant kisses on my cheeks voluntarily is a huge bonus. =*)

Is it true that hitting a guy means you are interested in him? I seriously don't agree with that. What a way to stereotype body language! (*_*) I do that naturally when I am pally with certain people. And not hitting you doesn't mean I dislike you. It could very much be the opposite! Haa.

If all the raindrops are lemon drops and gum drops... oh, what a rain it would be!
Standing out there with my mouth open wide, ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah...

I am looking forward to all my tutorials tomorrow! Fascinating issues to be discussed!


-8:55 PM


He was playing with his food...

Biting vigorously into the succulent cheese hotdog at the same time...

And by nature, a lovingly generous baby, he was quick to offer me some too...

Just a thought - I think it is pretty sweet to see a guy blush. I mean, how often do you see that? Haa.

The message is crystal clear - I am loved! Immensely and intensely loved... and it feels so good. Why? I am a child of God. =*)

Courtesy of Tommy (who never runs dry of corny jokes):

Why do people get P.h.D?
They don't wear safety helmets.

Gil : I don't like duck.
Tommy (as usual) : Make it light then.

It is amazing... both Tommy and Sharon... and not forgetting the prince - baby Jo.

Slept at 3.30am and woke up at 6.30am for service. All because of a cup of milk tea, of which the majority was fresh milk (would have preferred evaporated milk though)! Had a great time catching up with Wendy too but I was totally exhausted when I got home around 5pm. Knocked out after that for two hours. -_- zzz zzz


-12:01 PM


Took a picture with Elin and Joash when we were at Gary's and Geraldine's house. Yes, he looks blur?

Guess what is buried beneath the green sprouts? Kueh tiao... Mummy made it especially for me last Saturday for lunch. *proud*

This is for the herbivores... tom yam fish... by my personal chef... hehe =P And I think both Tommy and Sharon love it.

Was bringing the pillows, cushions etc. out to sun, when this - magnificent sight of the rays piercing through the gaps in between the cauliflower-like clouds - caught my eyes!

This is another...

I had my hair cut. Don't think I look very different. The hairstylist suggested going for something shorter, which I was not prepared and thus turned down. He proposed to have my hair rebonded and coloured as well. Well, maybe next time... I don't really pay much attention to my hair anyway. It would have cost a bomb too.


-2:14 PM

He died...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070906/ap_on_en_mu/pavarotti


-1:44 PM


I have no inkling (or maybe I do) of why, but God is speaking... I have been receiving messages one after another conveying the fact that I am loved by God... So sweet...

Visited Esther and managed to steal a peck (okay, actually I stole more than one) on her rosy cheeks...

Looks contemplating here... But Jojo is, as usual, lovely...

Another picture of my precious prince...

TomSum, Michelle and I shared this. Verdict? It is more sourish than salty. I love its packaging though.

I wasted my money... Purchased the package on the pictures taken and messages preached during church camp and guess what? I could not view the pictures at all because they are in DVD format. This means I cannot upload the pictures and view them individually in JPEG format. =( May have to talk to Stanley about this. But thank God because an angel promised to get me the pictures if all else fail. *heaved a sigh of relief*


-12:12 AM

I have received my apology and I have forgiven. Feels good. I guess he was just a trigger, a scapegoat for the entire misunderstanding? The issue does not lie with him alone. And he had better learnt his lesson on the problem with communication.

How can you fault a person without stating the rules in a game in the first place? How in the world do you expect me to know the difference between ‘They are NT’ and ‘They have BO’? Alright, at least I know the difference now. By the way, your tone can totally negate what you are trying to convey. This is just too bad and you have not learnt it yet!

Don’t expect me to be completely comforted by a mere apology after being lashed at. And this is not the first time! Why do I have to tolerate this? Your so call apology was not even sincere. Why do I say so? Think about what you said after saying sorry. So you think it is difficult for you to apologise since you probably would have not have done it in the past? Then it is easy for me to be yelled at for no good reason all the time? I admit. I am still sore over this. I have not forgiven. I don’t want to be screamed at again in future.

I need time to get over this. And I need God. See, I am full of flaws… …


-12:39 AM

Enough IS enough! I was so hurt I nearly cried on my way to school. Am I an easy target? A doormat? A sandbag? I am not a pushover. Do not lash it out on me without getting your facts right. If it was Gillian a decade ago, trust me, I would have done something more drastic than to silently listen as you raised your voice at me while insisting that you were not scolding me. And all thanks to someone who tops in the School of Eavesdroppers. I wonder what you actually think with. Is it really with the portion of the vertebrate central nervous system enclosed in your skull? Don’t blame it on miscommunication because you were slow to react in the second place and dense to probe into others’ business in the first place. I believe I deserve an apology!


-12:33 AM

Apologies for broken English…

List out your top 5 birthday presents you wish for (no particular order):
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Contentment
5. To have more than 5 birthday presents? Hee

Answer the following questions:
1. The person who tag you is?
Kenneth

2. Your relationship with him is:
He is my multi-talented cousin.

3. Your 5 impressions of him:
- pretty (when I first carried him)
- quite charming
- eloquent
- humorous
- talented

4. The most memorable thing he had done for you?
He urinated on me when I first carried him… nice wet present!

5. The most memorable words he had said to you?
Not that I can think off. Ok, maybe the part he imitated someone and called me ‘Gillian’… sent shivers up my spine.

6. If he becomes your lover, you will?
The word ‘incest’ sounds ultimately deadly…

7. If he becomes your lover, things he has to improve on will be?
It will never be so I see no need to answer this.

8. If he becomes your enemy, you will?
Ignore him totally and give him hard glares?

9. If he becomes your enemy, the reason will be?
He hurt my loved ones.

10. The most desire thing you want to do for him now is?
I should try asking him what he would like me to do for him.

11. Your overall impression of him is?
Caucasian?

12. How do you think people around you will feel about you?
I am a great nanny? I can be bullied? I am sweet (through the things I do and not how I look yah)?

13. The character you love of yourself is?
Dunno. Haha.

14. On the contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?
Too soft-hearted!!!

15. The most ideal person you want to be is?
Jesus

16.a) For people that care and like you, say something to them.
Tell me you like me. Hee

b) For people whom i've hurt:
Please tell me if I have hurt you and not have apologized.

c) For people whom i love and treasure:
I thank God for you and I am sorry if I have not told you that I love you. I speak through other ways other than words but I will try to say ‘I love you’ more often from now onwards. Here I go… I love you!

17. Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you.
Kenneth passed this to a few already… so I cannot duplicate right? I would love to have more than 10...
1. Michelle Tong
2. Daphne
3. Wendy
4. Rusynni
5. Stella
6. Marie
7. Pearlyn
8. Zhen Zhi
9. Dage
10. Cherry

Who is no.6 having relationship with?
Marie - Her boyfriend lah.

Is no.9 a male or female?
Dage - Male

If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
Pearlyn and Cherry - I don’t encourage homosexuality.

How bout no.8 and 5?
Zhen Zhi and Stella - How many times must I repeat myself? I don’t encourage homosexuality.

What is no.2 studying about?
Daphne - Last thing I remember is she was doing her poly attachment.

When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?
Wendy - Yesterday *proudly*!

What kind of music band does no.8 like?
Zhen Zhi - No idea.

Does no.1 has any siblings?
Michelle - Yap... younger sister.

Will you woo no.3 ?
Wendy - I am straight.

How about no.7 ?
Pearlyn - I would if I were a guy.

Is no.4 single?
Rus - Yes, very!

What is the surname of no.5?
Stella - Kuok

What is the nickname of no.10?
Cherry - Hahaha. Cherry loh!

What is the hobby of no.4?
Rus - Just one? Reading?

Do no.5 and 9 get along well?
Stella and Dage - They do not know each other.

Where is no.2 studying at?
Daphne - Singapore (safest answer).

Talk something casually about no.1?
Michelle - Crazy gal? Kekeke.

Have you try developing feelings for no.8?
Zhen Zhi - Romantically - never.

Where does no.9 live at?
Dage - Bukit Batok

What color does no.4 like?
Rus - Green!

Are no.5 and 1 best friends?
Stella and Michelle - Not that I know of. They serve in the worship ministry.

Does no.7 like no.2?
Pearlyn, Daphne - *shrug shoulders* Duno.

How do you get to know no.2?
Daphne - Same church what!

Does no.1 have any pets?
Michelle - I know she has fish at home but they don’t really belong to her.

Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
Pearlyn - I would not use this adjective on her.


-11:15 PM

Ah Tong, dance to this!

Without love
Life is like the seasons with no summer
Without love
Life is rock ‘n’ roll without the drummer
Without love
Life is like a beat you can’t follow
Without love
Life is like a prom that won’t invite us

Like a week that’s only Mondays
Only ice-cream without sundaes
Like a circle with no centre
Like a door marked “do not enter”
Darling, I’ll be yours forever
Cause I never wana be
Without love

His mesmerising lips make my knees go weak... am kissed... so saccharine sweet...

That’s my personal message for MSN. A few of my friends thought that I am attached and in love? Haha. Very much the opposite? That is just Joash and his wet kiss, which he plants randomly on a few of us, right on our cheeks! Oooo…


-1:08 PM

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You
I trust in You
I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

I lack nothing because my God will meet all my needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus... Thanks, my dear friends, for your concern and expressions of love. I would like to say I am a rather independent girl, or woman. Haha. Sharon thinks so too, yeh! And I still have a few people who owe me $$. I think this is rather an explicit hint that it is time to pay back? Keke. But I am prepared that those loans may never come back after all. I've learnt my lesson. Sometimes, it doesn't pay to be nice. I may think for others but... ... *sigh* I am just too soft-hearted.


-12:11 AM

She excruciatingly left him eventually.
The torch no longer shines like before.
Perhaps the rays lost their ways.
The kite flew away with the wondering wind.
Perhaps it hurt to hang on.
The dream ceased to exist.
Perhaps it was too far to grasp.
If her heart could taste,
everything will be hopelessly bland.
There is no reason to do anything anymore.
Let it fade.
Allow the pain of loss
be gently eased by each rhythmic breath.
Let the silence of death
be crooned to the demise of emotions.
Let it end.

Gillian's slide shows

Gillian's Facebook profile

Gillian's pics

Gillian's alternative blog

Andrew's photo album

Daphne Toh

Daryl (Didar)

Delirious

Eileen Ho

E-liz

Emmie

E-van

Genie - Sugene

Henry - Ah Liu

Hillsong

Huifang

Huifang (Er Niang)

Huiyun

ieatishootipost (and it's all about food)

Joash (My beloved godson)

Jonathan Toh

Justin (bro)

Kenneth (my cousin)

Kian Kei (Ah Di)

Kian Kuen

Krystal

Michelle Ong

Michelle Tong

Nat

Nicky

Pamela Soh

Rachel

Ruby (my aunt)

Rusyinni (One buddy)

Samantha

Sharon (my godson's hot mama)

Shu Min

Simon Cheo

Stephanie

Terrance

Tommy (my godson's hot papa)

Tricia

Tze Ying

Wee Kiat Javern

Wendy

Xinying

Yvonne Chia

Alfiah

Claudia

English Master

Hui Ming (Mong)

Lee Ching

Marie

Mahathir

Mahathir's album

Michelle Tan

Satiish

Shuxin

Si Hua

Sultanah

Suzanne

Sylvia

Vivien

Lixin

Si En Grace

Xin Hui

Speak Good English

Free Rice

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