dailies
Sunday, March 30, 2008
-11:34 PM
I don't know. Why me? And I feel so bad about it. Sometimes I feel exhausted. If only I can be emptied of my thoughts and feelings as and when I like. I find it totally absurd and stupid (and I seldom use this word) of certain people to do certain things. Argh... ... I am judging them! There is this tension. On one hand, I feel totally put off and on the other hand, I am angry at myself for thinking and feeling this way. I am not a perfect being but I still detest myself for thinking so... ... Think it is my character. I am inclined to bottle up not-so-nice thoughts and feelings, and when they leak at times, some get hurt. But suppressing them doesn't help either. Well, my thoughts and feelings are ignored at times any way. I wish I could care less about others. Maybe I will be better off that way. Asking God for forgiveness and giving these ugly thoughts and feelings to Him in return for beautiful ones.
I don't want the Report-Card Syndrome! Pain is inevitable but misery is a choice. Learning to live in destiny and desperation for boldness and humility respectively. 2 Corinthians 2: 12 to 17 ~ The Triumph in the Trial and The Aroma in the Affliction. Bottomline? Know myself, die to myself and find myself. It is not in the doing but being, and living in the sufficiency of Christ.
-11:33 PM
-10:32 PM
Thursday, March 27, 2008
-10:41 PM
Went for Dim Sum with Marie, Shuxin and Sylvia at Harbour Front on Tuesday. It was a belated birthday celebration and we enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. It was a pity that one had to leave early to help her future mother-in-law with chores. =D
Met a Secondary school classmate on Wednesday morning - Winston Tan. He couldn’t recognise me initially and when he finally did, he said he remembers me as someone with short hair and glasses. Well, people change! That was Gillian more then a decade ago! Glad he is doing well now – nurse with a hospital.
It is a rare find if you ever see me in Bugis and there I was on Wednesday night with three of my JC friends. We had dinner at Ma Maison (pictures coming soon)! It has been a long while since we last met and there were many updates during that meal. All are presently single and available, except ACL. She was lamenting that her husband is slowly losing the skill of romancing her. Haa. Spice it up, gal, spice it up! I know you can! I can still remember how she sang “go on, go on, come on, make me breathless”. Hee. Jing is a slave to her school while Kevin is doing very well in his job.
Reached home late last night and to think that I have lessons at 8.30am on Thursdays. Really lacking in sleep and I had to force myself to head for school. But the sight of His wonderful creation in spreading a sea of wave-like clouds before my tired eyes rejuvenated me. I had to capture that breathtaking scene with my mobile phone. So, here you go…
Was hibernating in the library during my four hours break today and found a purse and mobile phone in the female toilet. Handed both items to an administrator at the counter near the entrance of the library. I hope the owner got her belongings back. This is a little frightening because I tend to carry my important items with me whenever I need to answer nature’s call in school. When will I be this forgetful? (*_*)
I wrote down a list of things to do during the holidays and the exams are not over yet! I am going to bake with Krys and Faith. I want to go to the zoo! *scream* I want to meet up with Pearlyn and ZZ. Time to make a dental appointment. *eeks* Can’t wait to cycle (and explore Sembawang) with Lee Ching and it seems like we have new company! I want to sing (KTV, anyone?)!!! I want to read through thoroughly the book given to me by a friend. Am thinking of getting a new camera. Promised to organise activities for the eligible singles. Intend to get ZY, Syl, Karen, Zhenyang, Danny, Kevin, Jing… … I want to spend more time with Esther and my Godson (and I miss him so much this moment)!
I love the way he sings the Elmo Song. Okay… … he wasn’t really singing?
Gil: Lah lah lah lah, lah lah lah lah, Elmo Song, lah lah lah lah, lah lah lah lah, Elmo Song. He wrote the music, he wrote the words. That’s…
Jojo: Elllllmo world.
This reminds me of Jerome. He said that I have “Tweety Bird hair” and I have no inkling what he actually meant. Haa.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
-10:22 PM
On Saturday
Had dinner at TomSumJo’s place with KK, Kuen, Fiona, Nicky, Bryan and Didar. Mich came later with a surprise – cake! Felt so loved with showers of well wishes and gifts. Jojo cut the cake with me and he blew off all the flames. Mind you, it is quite a feat considering the number of candles (and please don’t ask me how many)! I burst out in laughter (and I wasn’t the only one) when he helped himself to my slice of cake on the table. Flashes came on with cameras. His innocent eyes and chocolate cream smeared all over his mouth simply makes him irresistibly adorable! And I love the Snuffy that Joash drew on the birthday card for me (though I couldn’t make out where exactly is Snuffy). Once again, thanks to all my beloved for creating another memorable birthday!
The youths and TomSumJo gave me CDs on Xin Yao (Volume 1 and 2) because I think I have been verbalizing my intention to purchase them. Looks like I can save my cash now. And I was shocked at how expensive they cost! Thanks to Tommy for telling me. Haha.
Didar and Dap bought me this exquisite water bottle – must be one of the most beautiful containers for water that I own. Well, it has my favourite colour on it!
On Sunday
Think AP was a little affected when she realised I am going off too. AWH was funny – sang “Right Here Waiting” for Mich and me. I would love to sing it to all the gems who have been walking with me for the past seven years I if I had the opportunity.
Aunt Ruby got me this pair of pearl earrings – reminded me that the pearls represent the fullness of God’s kingdom and that He has prepared the best for us, His children. She came purposely (to TomSumJo’s place) with Uncle and Krys to pass me them to me.
From Rev:
Happy birthday to you!
To Jesus be true.
May God’s richest blessings
Now rest upon you
Kenneth sent a very sweet text to me (to wish me happy birthday) while he was at Tekong:
MSG FRM P. TEKONG
Recruit S 88*****H, R S SOH would like to wish you A HAPPY BIRTHDAY. (NOTE: This msg is only valid at 0000hrs on 240308)
Mich, Ken, Ah Drew and Jus got me a year’s (or is it two?) supply of Women’s Weekly with a purple cheery card. So sweet!
I switched off my mobile to rest early for Monday’s 8.30am lecture, knowing that my mobile will start ringing when the clock struck twelve.
On Monday
Finally got the chance to blow the candle off my cake without revealing my age – Marie, Shuxin and Sylvia bought me a slice of blueberry cheesecake with a lighted candle! And it really came as a surprise because I didn’t see it coming. They also decorated the box, which I tore off part of it to keep for remembrance.
Got this very pretty and girlish key chain from AK – made me feel really young (not that I am ancient)! And another card to add to my collection. I think his cards are becoming my collectible items.
Aunt Ruby messaged me that Esther sent me a birthday card on Facebook – she must have done it with some divine help! Wanted so much to kiss her at that instance!
“Ambushed” DRT accidentally and got her to donate to BB – she was very generous! Told her to enjoy her lunch but she shrugged her shoulders and remarked “Enjoy lunch from NIE canteen?”. Poor girl! I reckon my Portuguese egg tarts are a real treat that day for her tea break.
Lecture ended horrendously late at 6.45pm. Waited for the bus feeling cold and slightly famished – my slice of blueberry cheesecake came to my rescue!
Mich came at night just to pass me something. I mean, she was at home already and intentionally came because she said she “wanted to see me”. Isn’t that absolutely sweet? I promised her a hug when I see her. Delivered.
Others
A few pleasant surprises from friends via sms. They remembered my birthday! Er Niang from Primary School, Wei Zhen from Secondary School and even my financial planner cum friend, Derek! Alfiah from Dip Ed years and practicum. Grace, one of my students from APS a few years back. This precious gal even remembers my age! Argh!!! But it really touches my heart even when it is just an sms! It’s the thought that counts, right? But that doesn’t mean that I don’t welcome gifts! Hohoho.
-9:32 PM
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
-11:24 PM
He spoke.
If we are not careful, we can become absorbed with looking good on the outside and forget what really counts. In fact, when we get to the place where we are keeping all the ‘right’ rules, we may become proud of ourselves and judgmental towards others. But harboring bitterness, clinging to critical attitudes, and thinking too highly of ourselves are the kind of defiling stuff that make us guilty of being charged as hypocrites.
Yes, I know Your ways are higher
That's why I am reaching for Your fire
And I will run and I will hide
Beneath the shadows of Your wings
And I will lift my voice on high
As I hear the angels sing
Saturday, March 15, 2008
-11:54 PM
I am a bone marrow donor!
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Had breakfast with Dad this morning. When I got home, one of the
sweetest thing happened while I was about to embark on the mind-numbing journey of the discussion for 203. Jojo was looking for me when he woke up and Sharon called me just so that we could talk. Alright, we didn't really talk but I entertained him by singing songs and he responded and participated marvelously.
G: Twinkle twinkle littleJ: StarG: How I wonder what youJ: AreG: Up above the world so J: HighG: Like a diamond in the J: SkyG: Twinkle twinkle littleJ: StarG: How I wonder what youJ: AreG: You're so clever!
-11:48 PM
-11:12 PM
Mentally too exhausted and took a break to update my blog before the weeds start to sprout.
This is Sharon's highly sophisticated and cool-looking cast which costs a whopping $230! And it comes with an air-pump too!
My precious Godson in his 'cage' and for no reason, he likes to 'imprison' mainly Yvonne and me in it.
Shuxin keeps insisting that he looks like one of our lecturers/tutors. Oh yes, he likes that colour too.
Kenneth with his sexy pout and new hairdo, all ready for NS. Am missing his company already!
When I was asking for help through the phone from an angelic tutor, I thought I heard “I thought you have a nice voice” instead of “I can recognise your voice”. Made a clown out of Gillian. Thought it was a joke but he was serious. A consultation session became a lunch appointment, but only with him digging hungrily into his heap of fried rice, which I bought. What was even more surprising was that he wasn’t at all finicky about the choice of food and drink. He took my first suggestion and that was it! And before he left, he asked “So have I earned my lunch?”. Actually he isn’t as hostile as he seems to be.
We had dinner at TomSumJo’s place instead of Fish & Co. with Kenneth, Michelle and Kian Kei. Sharon’s first attempt at cooking Japanese rice is amazing. It was a simple yet heart-warming dinner.
Can’t wait to catch up with my JC friends the following Wednesday! Failed to attend ACL’s wedding dinner as I was flying off to Taiwan last December. Wonder how Kevin is doing in his job as well. I hope our date this time will realise.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
-10:36 PM
I dare not say that I know exactly what you are experiencing but I could see that longing in your eyes and hear that longing in your heart. It is never easy to mend a broken heart and I understand how tough it is to miss a person. Like what I told you – the person may be right but the timing is all wrong. And I also believe that He has nothing less than the best in store for you. Sometimes, we are focusing too much on what lies before our eyes instead of looking beyond with faith. And growth comes with pain at times too. No matter how awful the present may seem, learn to trust in Him. Knowing that you are in such a state pains my heart at times and I can only guarantee a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on whenever you need one. You know, my dear one, I am praying for you, always.
I guess this could be how you feel when the world seems to stop before you…
What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there
There's only so much I can take
And I just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better
If I don't try and I don't hope
No more waiting, No more aching
No more fighting, No more trying
Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just gonna let it fly
But you must know…
He raises you up, so you can stand on mountains;
He raises you up, to walk on stormy seas;
You are strong, when you are on His shoulders;
He raises you up... To more than you can be.
I know He is able and I know you can…
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
-11:45 PM
My heart dropped when I heard ‘thud’. I threw everything I was holding on to the floor and rushed to their side. But I was equally helpless. As Sharon was shouting for Tommy, all I could see was Jojo with his mouth wide open on his almost purplish face, with tears streaming down. Then I saw blood and I tried to clean the wounds. She had missed a step and fell with Jojo in her arms, and her hands couldn’t protect his tiny head from hitting the ground. Tommy’s face grew pale too. For the first time in my life, that expression on his face scared me. I knew somehow that he was worried and angry, all at the same time. But it was an accident, yes, an accident. The thought of it now still makes me feel very uneasy. I could almost still hear her screams and the scene flashed again.
I saw how a mother apologized frantically and asked her son for forgiveness. I saw how she wailed frantically for her husband. If anything were to happen to Jojo, I know she will never forgive herself. Sharon told me that she would have died if… … My heart was in great pain at the thought of this. And all I could do was to pray and cry then. I even called Michelle up and the floodgate just opened. They hold a very soft spot in my heart. Yes. I was blaming myself then. I should have stopped them from using the unfamiliar route. I should have walked in front and warned them of the steps ahead. I should have… Thank God, everything is alright now. Sharon had a fractured foot and baby Jo is still able to dance and play with us. Really, I thank God.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
-9:30 PM
Just watched The Leap Years with Zhiyong. Haven’t met up with him for a long time. To imagine he had to pass me my Christmas present before the movie started. Was chatting with him, Uncle and his girlfriend at McDonald’s before getting the tickets. The movie wasn’t very fantastic (as it was rather predictable and I was pretty calm while watching it) but it did thug at my heart a few times. Love the quotes, some of which are as followed:
A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
In three words, I can sum up everything I’ve learnt about life: it goes on.
It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.
If you are not too long, I will wait for you all my life.
Some of my sentiments about the show? Your ‘bestest’ friend knows when you are truly happy and fights for you using unconventional means (to the extent of challenging norms and cultures). Love is fathomless and has immense power to motivate. Don’t speak too soon and never say never. To wait for someone for 12 years is unimaginable and I hope that I will not have to wait for the next leap year to fall in love. To get somebody out of your mind, you have to engage more than just a neurosurgeon. Love means sacrifices. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. Love strikes when you least expect it. It takes a lot of courage to not be attached in the face of cruel loneliness. The course of true love never did run smooth (and Shakespeare is incredibly wise?). Want to know more? Ask me. Haa. And yes, I cried… …
Celebrated Kuen's birthday at Bei Sheng and the super cute Ultraman cake!
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This mushroom is so adorable I almost couldn't bring myself to consume it.
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Had dinner with dad tonight. He wanted KFC (I knew it!) and there we were, at Causeway Point.
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My 老豆... ... .jpg)
Present from Zhiyong - the necklace reminds me of something but I cannot put a finger to it.
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Better rest soon. Slept at 6am and woke up at 9.30am. Insomnia. Blame it on the topics I was on with a friend on the line? Got me thinking. And I have to wake up early tomorrow to go to church (before time for service) to practise singing as today's practice was rather (in my opinion) inadequate. Night...
-12:04 AM
Just ended a conversation with a friend on the phone. I wouldn’t say that we are close but I am thankful for how receptive she is to what I have to share and vice versa. Talked about God and Christians among many other things. We are made of idiosyncrasies? It is ludicrous how some Christians call themselves one because their lives do not speak so. But then again, who is to judge? What are the differences between a Christian and a non-Christian? What makes a Christian a Christian? Many may have difficulty coming to terms with the fact that Christians are fallible too and do succumb to temptations. But at least, they should have tried to flee from the enticements? I have seen a variety, yes, some of who are embodiments of endless virtues, while some are simply epitomes of everything vile and abominable. I am thankful that I have seen both types of creations because it made me appreciate those who have influenced and inspired me in the most beautiful ways. I try to be optimistic. I try not to care too much about the lies which stab right into my heart. God knows that the trying times can be deadly agonizing. But His presence comforts with peace. Moving on, yes, moving on.
Oh Lord You’ve searched me,
You know my way;
Even when I fail You,
I know You love me.
Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season,
I know You love me;
I know You love me.
At the cross I bow my knee,
Where Your blood was shed for me,
There’s no greater love than this.
You have overcome the grave,
Your glory fills the highest place,
What can separate me now?
Sometimes, I wonder if it is all a punk. Is it? Tell me.
Watched CJ7 and cried myself silly towards the end. It is the way the little boy (alright, it is a ‘she’ in reality) cried… I couldn’t control myself.
Caught Kung Fu Dunk too. Full of twists though some are predictable.
Am overjoyed because a dear friend just got promoted. I didn’t pray for a promotion though, only for general well-being and favor with everyone during interaction.
Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope & glory
Hold to the truth in your heart
Went to Jojo’s blog and watched all the recent video clips. Hate myself because it is too late to rush to his house just to see, hug and kiss him. Can’t wait for sunrise.
Celebrated Kuen’s birthday at Bei Sheng last Sunday. Have to upload the pictures soon?
Went to Yuki Yaki (first introduced by Marie) with TomSumJo, Mich and Ken on Monday. Didn’t know that they serve sushi at night!
Sakae is fast! I receive my birthday gift voucher on the last day of February, which is way in advance! Must I be reminded of the painful reality that I am aging by another year?
Celebrated Roger's birthday with Rus at Ang Mo Kio Hub's Fish & Co. Had calamari and soup for dinner over there. The man was lamenting that friends get fewer as we get older through the meal. Personally, I reckon that it is a matter of time and effort spent in nurturing, developing, and even maintaining any kind of relationship. Of both ingredients, time is crucial, due to the hectic lifestyle many of us lead.
It will be my last time to sing in the capacity of a Vocalist IC. Haa.
Mich is celebrating her 21st birthday this weekend! At a loss at what to get her so I did the most practical thing – paid for the beehoon and curry vegetables for her birthday party! Hope it is not too insincere.
I must date him out soon. Been missing him because I am busied with tuitions on most nights. Where shall I bring him? Dad may have suggestions.
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