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Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Got my nails done and the colour reminds me of nothing but milk chocolate and hot fudge. Tried bringing my finger near to Joash and telling him that it was chocolate. He entertained me by opening his mouth, as if ready to eat. I think they look really edible. Haa.
Alvin was adorable - called from KL just to apologise because he didn't manage to say 'goodbye' after chatting with me via MSN. I got a sweet shock when I received his call near 11p.m. If not biding farewell was a crime, I must have broken the law for countless times.
Am saddened by two pieces of news today, but glad that I made the right decision. Nothing has changed much and I wonder if there ever will be. Perhaps I shouldn't be too emotional about matters I am not directly involved. Nonetheless, it pains my heart to know that one can do a million correct things and not get appreciated, but gets thumbed down just by making one small mistake. Lesson to learn? Never to do that to people I love. About silence, I believe it can be the best piece of evidence at times. Or it could be the ultimate answer to a question which was asked long ago. All I can say is, they are viewing everything with a tainted perspective. If I were to wear my shades in broad daylight, I will never know how bright the sun is, and how clear things are. It's their choice. Pathetic choice. Many teachers told me to 'cover my butt' in whatever I do in school. Didn't know that I have to do that too, in a place I thought I could freely be myself.
Somebody called to apologise for venting her frustration on me in front of a few other people because of stress. I had forgotten that incident, actually. Kept my cool at that moment. Had I picked a verbal fight then, things would have been drastically different. Trust me, if I want to be bad, I can really be ruthless with words. I believe everyone is able to. And life is full of choices - I choose to be gentle with my words, words seasoned with mercy and grace. Still, anger management is a skill to hone. I am still learning to be an expert in that.
It's up! It's getting ready! It's what I've been longing for. It's what I've been waiting for! And it's coming! *excited*
-5:58 PM
Went for Hinghwa food with TomSumJo at Pu Tien restaurant on Saturday. The food was a little disappointing but I enjoyed the company! The decor of the restaurant was classy. Spent my evening catching a movie with Ah Drew - this bro has free tickets from his company as a kind of bonus, which is kind of weird! Watched Wanted, which was horrendously filled with vulgarities to my astonishment. Would never want to watch it again. They should practise more verbal hygiene! Also went JB with my second family, together with Sharon's mum and auntie. Very nice people to be with! We had the pretty famous Fish Head Curry, Herbal Chicken and a few other dishes for lunch. Went on to Holiday Plaza to do our nails. Had our dinner at City Square's Kim Gary Restuarant - it was stuffy sitting inside and Tommy was too affected to enjoy his dinner. The jams to and fro JB were terrible but the greatest reward of the day was that I got to carry Joash! Yippee!
-5:40 PM
Went to Vines with AK and Ching. Believe it was my third time there. Service, was as usual, good, except for a grouchy lady. Had Salmon with Mango Salsa (Ching felt that it tasted more like a dessert than main course) while the rest had steaks. We (actually it was AK) made a commendable discovery - the cake-like brownie tasted ordinary on its own but heavenly after being totally soaked with evaporated milk! Would love to drink the evaporated milk on its own but little was left after the three of us fell in love with the new creation. There was a kind of hush as I relished each mouthful of the dessert. Hee. Without fail, the man managed to pay for the bill once again. Told Ching to let me try the next time round - she didn't sneak successfully to the cashier counter. I will make sure I accomplish our mission in future. Haahaa.
-4:53 PM
Celebrated Uncle's birthday with Aunt Tina, Aunt Ruby, Kenneth, Krytal, Esther, Dad and Justin. Believe he really enjoyed himself, just like we did. Adore family gatherings! Hinghwa food is delicious. Love the generous amount of garlic and ginger used in most of the dishes. I made many exceptions during this meal by consuming lots of clams and crabs! And the noodles in their distinguished Lor Mee is so 'Q'! The Squirrel Fish was absolutely tasty and the bonus? We dug right into the fresh flesh because it was boneless. The Lychee Meat was sweet and cripsy. The Steamed Fish was fresh. The Cereal Prawns were acceptable, because it wasn't one of their featured dishes. Love the veg with bean curd skins. Could've given the Fried Seaweed a miss. I didn't enjoy the Omelet with Oysters because I love pearls? Nah. Dislike the squirmy feeling when I bite into the oysters. Give me the eggs any time. Overall, it cost $150 for ten dishes, with 8 cans of drinks and four coconuts. Alright, perhaps the boss gave my uncle a generous discount because they are relatives.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
-11:03 PM
He found his dawn. She has her darkness. He is in search of his sunset. Am looking for my night (knight)? Hohoho...
Never have I thrown myself this hard at a male and be blatantly ignored. Yes, he kicks me, roars at me, orders me around... ... but I still love him, oh, so very much! Perhaps it is just a game, a mind game. Or a test, a test of my adoration. What can I do? A simple 'nose-rub' or cheeky facial expression is all that it takes to melt me. Haa. My baby Godson sure has his way with me!
Friday, June 27, 2008
-11:52 PM
Had a mini birthday celebration for Aunt Tina's boyfriend some time ago. These are the preview, just like for National Day? Hoho. We had Hing Hwa food along Serangoon Road. Oh yes, one can clearly see the resemblance between my Pup and I here? Love showering my cousins with kisses and hugs. Spot the two hunks, Kenneth and my bro. And yes, I am in green. Hehe. Does my bro (man in black) look like me?
Have tuition early tomorrow morning so I am going to turn in soon. Oh yes, I must remember to blog about my lunch at The Vines too. ZzZzZzZzZzZz... ...
Thursday, June 26, 2008
-5:52 PM
LC baked her first ginormous brownie! We had a wonderful time chatting while waiting for her creation to get cooked. Haa. Her husband will have to give his verdict after celebration tonight! But let me tell you, very few things can smell as fragrant as fresh brownie from the oven! He is so fortunate to have LC as his wife!
I received a bouquet of roses from an angel today. Actually, I was near to tears and there were goosebumps all over my body as I held on to this saccharine sweet surprise. I was overwhelmingly touched. Why? It isn't any special occasion but I am blessed in such a lovely way! And it is so purplish! Haahaa.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
-11:40 PM
Mum cooked a pot of stewed meat and mushroom for us yesterday. But I am not terribly interested in the meat and asked Pup if we could add in a few boiled eggs. Guess what I found in the pot this morning? Five eggs were swimming in the black pool. Isn't my Pup sweet? Love him!
Went shopping with Xin and Syl today in Orchard - didn't buy anything though. Xin wanted almost desperately to get a yellow top but it was a futile attempt. A few friends mentioned recently that I have been wearing black far too often. Haha. I have my own reasons. The desire to look like a cute penguin is out of the picture. You know you've got a wonderful day ahead if you see me in a different colour! Haa.
Spent my evening with Krys and Esther because my aunt had to go for her night class. Love babysitting these two angels. Brought them out for ice-creams after dinner and met Nick (Aunt Pauline's son), and so we feasted on Hot Fudge Sundaes. Thanks, Sayi, for the delicious macaroni soup! Makes me feel like cooking for Pup.
Tomorrow will be a day of fun - helping LC to bake a cake for her husband. Isn''t she a sweet wife? Then I will be celebrating uncle's (my aunt's boyfriend) birthday with bro and the Soh Queen and princesses. Each day seems to be packed with activities!
My mobile rang five times today. Same caller. Same person who is testing my patience. I told myself to stand firm. Breathe in. Breathe out.
I wonder why do people read my blog. Haha. I read others' to know what they have been doing. Some blogs are visited because they are intriguing. I learn things from reading blogs as well. But seriously, I think my blog entries are pretty monotonous and mundane. I write about my own thoughts and what I do on certain days. That's about it. But I believe you get to know me through reading my blog. Yes, read me like a book. It's that simple... ...
Monday, June 23, 2008
-11:07 PM
Tasted cooked purple broccoli - pretty normal? Although I do have a soft spot for purple stuff, it just feels weird to consume them.
Love these lotus seeds which I bought from Vietnam. Basically I am a 'nutty' person - enjoys crunchy munchies. Don't like them in soups nor desserts though. I haven't seen them being sold in Singapore.
Purchased these chocolates. Aren't they a luxury to look at? Spin a story with them? Mr Blue met Ms Pink under the yellow crescent. They fell in love and lived happily ever after. Muahahah!
Dage and Wei got these chocolates for me from Japan. Intend to bring some for TomSumJo and the others to try. Good things are meant to be shared.
My lovely godson sure knows how to pose for the camera... with some treats thrown in, of course! Isn't he sweet? Sweeter than honey...
Mathew's getting married! Er Niang's end of the year. So happy for them!
Someone just told me that he can see from my face that I love children. Impossible! Haha. Hilarious. I have people telling me that I look like an accountant too. *shrug shoulders*
People say the weirdest thing to me: "Gillian, entertain us leh!" - friend from university days. "Are you a butch?" - someone during my JC days.
ST just told me that she realised that this guy who has been after her for a while is an MCP. Both of us prefer gentlemen though, so she has been keeping a distance from him. It really takes time to tell a person. So it is puzzling when I know of friends who can get attached or married within a few months. How did they do it?
How do you see it? Loneliness or freedom? Let the music play... The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind. The answer is blowing in the wind. It is really what we want, isn't it?
Sometimes, people fall short of genuinely asking you "How are things?". To many, it is just a formality. Perhaps it is just the introduction to their stories. Or they will just hear you. Yes, not listening. Am I guilty of all these too?
-3:48 PM
Part of a song came to me...
Runaway train never going back Wrong way on a one-way track Seems like I should be getting somewhere Somehow I'm neither here nor there
And another...
幸福的每一天 浪漫的每一夜 把愛不放開
And another...
I worship You I worship You The reason I live Is to worship You
Suddenly, I long to experience that once again, the intensity of it. Nothing exists except the both of us. And I would sing with all of my heart, with all that I am... with tears that roll down my cheeks not because of sadness, but fulfillment, not due to inadequacy, but overwhelmed by the knowledge that I am loved unconditionally...
Sunday, June 22, 2008
-1:10 AM
Got home late today again. Had a long dinner (delicious baked rice) with Danny at Cineleisure, after which we took a good stroll to Cityhall and had part two (drinks only) of ‘story-telling’ session at New YorkNew York. He got me my favourite matoom beverage from BKK. Miss BKK terribly now for the traditional massage. As usual, I enjoyed myself through the five hours – He is one great friend I got to make (other than SF) through GESL.
Reached ICA at around seven thirty in the morning but there was already a long queue (approximately one round of the circumference of the building) at the entrance. Frightening! Finally had my IC made. Paid a hundred for it and have to wait for a month before collection. I will try to leave my IC at home from now onwards. Subsequent loss requires three hundred for replacement. Heavy penalty for carelessness. Went to Bugis for brunch with dad after that. Wanted so much to take pictures of the food we ate but am still holding a ‘black and white’ phone. Argh… … feel handicapped.
Couldn’t sleep after my bath. Actually, I am pretty exhausted physically because I haven’t caught up with my sleep ever since I came back from Vietnam. But the emotional turmoil… Have been feeling a little frustrated recently. Does he understand where I am coming from? It is not easy and I am struggling. How do I put a stop to all these? It hits like the waves – withdrawing and rushing forward in a cyclical manner. God, You got to help me… …
Friday, June 20, 2008
-8:39 PM
Met up with Siau Foon and AK yesterday for a late lunch and dinner. She never fails to amaze me – still as bubbly as ever despite a recent major operation. Actually it feels kind of weird to address her by her name because I used to call her ‘Ms Yee’. Haa. I really admire her infectious confidence and optimism. Adorable AK also drove us around in his champagne gold Camry and brought us souvenirs from his recent trip abroad. This angel claims that he drives badly but I was totally relaxed during the rides. We had a beautiful lunch at a café recommended by the only gentleman and celebrated Siau Foon’s belated birthday with carrot cakes at Coffee Bean. Time truly flies when there is great company, so I believe all of us parted rather reluctantly after spending more than six hours together. We chatted, updated on one another’s overseas trips, and the girls had a fun time teasing AK. Hoho. I love to see guys blush. I was smiling ‘so hard’ for this picture until my cheeks ached after that. Ta-dah, presenting Ladies in Black (and white, if you insist).
Had lunch with Huixian after Science Enrichment Classes today. She is really an easy-going person and shared much about her near-to-hell experience for a recent trip to Beijing. This reminds me of Pearlyn, who made me this tag some time back. I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends – they are like the alcohol in tiramisus. Hehe.
Mum got back from CameronHighlands recently – purchased purple broccoli and Strawberry coffee. Can I bear to eat the former? The latter was surprisingly bitterly mesmerising. Our entire family should be going there again, this time, especially to accompany granny.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
-4:22 PM
Dage and Wee Leng bought this box of strawberry chocolate from Japan for me.
And this coin. My name is engraved on it as well. No, my name is not 'OSAKA CASTLE'. Haha.
Bought this carrier from Vietnam for myself - less than a dollar in Sing.
Coffee and Green Bean Cakes from Vietnam for some of my friends.
Made a stamp for myself some time back. This is what I was given. Look carefully. What do you see? I almost laughed my head off. Please, don't email me at this address...
-3:56 PM
Was chatting with LC yesterday at Causeway Point. One of the topics was death. Is it a frightening experience to go through? Been bombarded with news of deaths recently. Suddenly, I thought of one of my ex-students' mum when I walked out of the toilet. Guess what? I bumped into her immediately after that and she told me that my ex-student (in fact, he was one of my first fruits) had died. I was holding back my tears while listening to her. He was only 20 years old! I can still remember how he used to shower me with gifts on special occasions, teased me, confided in me... ... A freak accident actually caused his death. He was such a sensible boy! LC and I agree that deaths teach us to treasure our family and friends. I went to visit my granny after that. How I wish I could tell everyone whom I love that I really love them, before it is too late...
-3:47 PM
Peek-a-boo! Vietnam exports these lovely daisies as well.
Seafood galore. And yes, these are displayed just next to the road. Eat them at your own risk.
Their kind of Pasar Malam... And I even met a fellow NIE student teacher there!
Told you it was a treacherous path down for a glimpse of the Elephant Fall... and we had to make our way back.
These children are so adorable - I managed to get them to pose for this picture although I know nuts about their language.
Coffee plant! The seeds tasted sweet - I didn't know this. And Vietnam is the world's second largest exporter for coffee.
Elephant Fall in Dalat. It was a very steep and treacherous path down in order to have a closer look. Haha.
They have such interesting-looking helmets in Ho Chi Minh City.
Lines and lines of hotels in Dalat.
Monday, June 16, 2008
-5:04 PM
Kept humming the melody of this song to myself while I was in Vietnam... to me, this song reflects strength and hope...
I want to sing this song for the next KTV session!
Saw these when I was watching a certain advertisement for a program while I was abroad: Life - Dreams = Job Emotions - Logic = Faith
It's weird that I don't miss Vietnam at all except for the cool weather at Dalat... and the strawberry and mango shakes... yummy! Oh yes, and the yogurts! Wish I could get some back for Joash.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
-9:40 PM
He is gone. It is a shock and the news is slowly and vividly sinking in with each passing minute. She called and all I could do was listen to her frail and trembling voice. I couldn’t cry but there is this emptiness and unusual grief that keeps pounding in my heart. I didn’t know how to answer her questions. I am clueless as to how I can help. Mum said that we have to answer for our own doings. I know but this is a tad too cruel. There are innumerable questions running through my mind. After all, he left me bits and pieces of pleasant childhood memories. I remember his smile. I can vaguely recall his back view. And in the midst of everything, there is this slight fear. But I know my destiny is in God and He comforts. Perhaps this is another starting point for those he left behind. Or will his death add on to another page of regrets in their book of life? Am leaving with a heavy heart… …
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
-1:49 PM
Tagged by Sharon to do this.
1. If your lover/hb betrayed you, what will yr reaction be? Any normal human would feel devastated, right? So will I. Coupled with days of crying and brooding.
2. If you can have a dream to come true, what will it be? I want all my dreams to come true! Hahaha.
3. What will your dream wedding be like? A simple church wedding will do... It's my partner who is most important.
4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you? Not perplexed. More like questionable.
5. What's yr ideal lover like? Actually, pretty close to Sharon’s list - intelligent, understanding, loving, humorous etc.
6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone else? Of course it’s the latter but mutual love is the best, I guess.
7. If the person you like does not accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings? If he is a good catch, why not? But time and tide wait for no man, so I would probably state a time limit for myself.
8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what will you do? Be happy for him – I know it will not be easy, but there’s nothing I can do except to give him my blessing.
9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently? Ya… losing my mobile phone, IC, ATM and Ezlink card.
10. What do you want most in life? Divine health in every sense - physically, financially, spiritually, mentally…
11. If you find out that your best friend is going out with yr lover, how will you react?
Probably give them a piece of my mind and then cut all contacts with them.
12. Who is currently the most important person to you? Must I only choose one? My dad? 13. What kind of person do you think I am? Special!
14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor? Single and rich, and I want to throw in ‘happy’!
15. If the person you secretly like cannot recognize you, how will you react? Leave it as it is.
16. Would you give your all in a relationship? To the best of what I can give without compromising my morals and principles.
17. If you fall in love with two persons at the same time, who will you pick? This is a pretty silly question, actually. How can one fall in love with two persons simultaneously?
18. What type of friends do you like? Those whom I can ‘click’ with. I believe a certain chemistry is needed to move from being acquaintances to friends and beyond.
19. If you play prank on someone and he/she fell for your trap, what would you do? Laugh over it and maybe blog about it.
Monday, June 09, 2008
-9:26 PM
Just burnt a hole in my pocket. Haven't visited the dental clinic for almost a decade - frightening, right? Because I am afraid of the trauma and pain I have to go through under the dentist's hands. Finally, I went with Sharon to one in Woodlands. She has been telling me how good this particular dentist is. I must say that the charges are pretty steep although Dr Jon Paul is very gentle and professional - he kept talking to me with the attempt to keep my mind off the equipment going in and out of my mouth. Too bad, he failed because I wasn't listening much (Thanks, Sharon, for repeating all the information after it was over). Yes, I was pretty nervous. My hands clamped up and all I could think of was when is everything going to end. My lips felt really sore after all the pictures (of all my teeth) were taken - I don't have a big mouth and require a lot of effort to stretch it open. Had two X-rays done for my teeth too. And he mentioned that I have Congenital ???, so I have less teeth than most normal adults, I reckon. In fact, I am still a baby! Yah, I still have three milk teeth at XX years old, can you imagine? And apparently, if they were to drop, no more (adult) teeth will grow. Spent $250 on my first visit there. Have more appointments to clear up my 'dental mess'. Estimated two to three thousand for gum treatment and filling up of holes alone. Looks like I have to think twice about buying a camera and hold back other less urgent plans as well till next April. =(
Friday, June 06, 2008
-5:37 PM
This is so adorable... S.H.E - 怎么办. It's so catchy and requires your tongue to dance! Haa.
Took a long and arduous ride to Aunt Tina’s stall – two hours. Initially, I was enjoying the scenery but I started to slouch after forty-five minutes and wondered when I will reach Beach Road. Really have to salute the bus driver. What will happen if he needs to relieve himself? Major stomachache? Not to add in the need to deal with rude passengers. And it takes a lot of energy to drive, I believe.
My aunt told me that I resemble both of my parents in a pretty varied and balanced manner while Justin takes after my mum to a large extent. What do I think? Am stubborn like mum and easily contented like dad. Looks wise, more like papa. Haa.
Was disappointed with M1's Customer Service Office (CSO). To be precise, I was given some wrong information by one CSO and made a fruitless trip to Toa Payoh with the excitement to purchase a new mobile. She should have checked things out if unsure. Am still holding bro’s antique phone and will only be able to buy one after I get back from Vietnam. Was terribly upset that night and am contemplating to change my service subscriber. Was consoling myself that perhaps there will be better deals two weeks later. I reckon it is safer to carry this ‘zero value’ phone to Vietnam. And my camera went bonkers again!!! Will have to get a new one before I leave. Everything is adding on to my financial woes. *scream*
Miss Didar. Miss Ah Di. Miss Rus. Miss Stella. Miss miss miss…
Been feeling this way for a period of time. Perhaps I have been swarmed with notifications of my friends either married or getting married recently. While I have friends who told me that they are lonely, I see it as freedom. Matter of perspective, isn’t it? Was chatting with Sharon – takes immense courage and commitment to marry and trust that one person to work out the rest of your life with you. Marriage is beautifully risky. And there is this analogy drawn in a show – love is like a ghost. Haha. Everyone is talking about it but who has really seen it? Morbid, yeah? Perhaps ambiguity is the loveliest aspect of any relationship. The desire to just be there for that person, to protect, to care for, to support… without any strings attached nor expecting any returns. Sharon said that this is normal once you have reached a certain age. Hehe. Thank God I am not a weirdo. Yah, thinking of adopting a child if I don’t get married (yes, I love children). Eh, not that nobody is wooing me but I will never give the green light if I don’t see myself with him in the future. And come on, my expectations are not even ‘building-high’. Hoho.
Why can’t some people laugh at themselves? I can only attribute it to pride, yes, imperious pride. Humans are infallible so instead of pointing our fingers at people or situations, learn whatever we can from mistakes or blunders made, and move on. And, laugh it out and laugh it off. Laughter is not only the best medicine, it can also be one decent antidote for tricky situations. *Hahaha* And I am not joking.
-2:42 PM
Spent the last two days at one of my auntie’s place to make dumplings. Dumpling-making isn’t a simple affair at all. All the leaves have to be washed individually. The ingredients need to be cut and cooked. The wrapping and tying of the wrapped glutinous rice and fillings take time too. After they are steamed, they have to be hung to cool down. Alright, I am not going into the details. But everything is worth it because we have delicious rice dumplings to eat, and they are less costly than those sold outside. The main chef is my fourth aunt, Tina. Aunt Ruby and I chipped in some money too for the purchase of all the stuff. And did I mention that it was an excellent bonding time? I haven't talked so much with Aunt Tina for donkey years! Memories of the past similar events came flooding back instantaneously. Am missing Aunt Monica already!
Females at work and having fun at the same time.
We were busy posing for pictures too? This little princess kept wanting to use my camera.
Tah dah! Dumplings galore, made in love and with hard work.
Bought a piece of peppermint cake during breakfast - beautiful! Dumplings for lunch today!
Made 爱心 breakfast for dad on Wednesday and bro on Thursday - egg mayo and crab stick mayo with croissants. I believe I cooked the hard-boiled eggs to perfection because there were no grey rims around the yolks. See how much daddy enjoyed his 早餐! I woke up early just to prepare his booster leh. Haha.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
-9:54 PM
Celebrated dad's birthday without bro because they argued over a trivial (I really think so) matter last evening. He enjoyed the sumptuous dinner at Bei Sheng at Chong Pang though.
Dad received this from his colleagues.
Been using Justin's mobile while I scout for a new one. This gem actually offered to let me use his when he knew I am going to burn a hole in my pocket. So sweet, right? Thanks, Jasper! Hehe.
TomSum bought these containers for me from Ikea to cheer me up, I reckon. Yah, it was purchased on that fateful day which I lost my pouch.
Got this book at the Popular book fair at Expo. Consider it a cheap thrill at $5.
Am going to make rice dumplings with my aunts. Any orders from anyone?
