rediscovering eden
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Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours
dailies
Sunday, August 24, 2008
-7:59 PM
I opened the book filled with His love stories and cried my heart out. That was the time He impressed on me this particular verse and I was comforted in a way which transcended my own understanding. He knew of my pain and heart-brokenness. After all, I had wanted to marry him. The tremendous emotional ache could only be soothed by His presence.
Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength – Nehemiah 8:10
The recent sermons at CEFC have been on the topic of joy and I’m reminded of this verse through the preaching and songs. Indeed, I left one with disappointments and entered another with hope and joy. *smile* He is good, all the time! Not going to be robbed of my birthright – God calls me to a joy that is great, true and abiding! It’s not euphoria for a fleeting moment but a promise of His everlasting faithfulness. Reminded of another beautiful song:
What Majesty, what mystery, the God of all eternity, stepped into time and gave Himself for me. Your Hand is seen in galaxies, yet Your presence dwells in me, as vast and yet, You’re still within our reach. Here and now, here in this moment. Here and now, I turn to You. All that my searching heart has longed for can be found. Coz You’re in this moment, here and now.
Sharon shared that she saw the Lord welcoming her during one service a few Sundays ago. Actually, when I knelt down that morning, I saw the Lord standing right in front of me and extending His hand to me – He wanted to lift me up. Well, I can’t kneel properly because of a bone which juts out on my right knee cap since a car accident when I was in Primary five. He said He knows my agony… how can I not be touched? I am His child. *loved*
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I don’t know exactly how to express my gratitude and I wouldn’t want to take things for granted. So, Tommy, Sharon and Joash, I want to thank you. Thank you for loving me and going the extra mile to make my days. I know Tommy is thinking of a corny joke as he reads this. They have been coming to NIE on Monday evenings for dinner. In reality, they are traveling purposely to this rather ‘ulu’ and deserted place just so I can get a free ride home. Tommy also drove me to school for the past two Wednesdays for my 8.30am tutorials, not to forget the rides to and fro church etc. Sharon is one hot and brilliant mama – always keeps me in the loop for good stuff. Jo is the baby who warms my heart regardless of how aloof and ‘dao’ he can be at times. Can’t wait for another baby to come along! Hee.
Huiling drew this on me during one tutorial - she gets restless easily. Funny!
Am often stuck in the middle of nowhere due to my tuitions on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Usually buy my dinner and settle somewhere near the tuition centre for my dinners. I have my favourite 'sanctuary' and realised recently that I could have died without knowing the reason. Look at this!
Went JB with my second family, Didar and Dawn on Saturday after my tuitions in the morning. We had lunch at KFC and these desserts caught my eyes!
Didn't get to try the Nasi Lemak Wrap because we had chicken.
And I got my nails done! Had to cover up a blue black on my right toe underneath the nail - has been there since the Rise & Rumble Camp. Sharon's painted nails are very 'princessy'. Pretty! But the manicurist scraped off bits of my flesh in the process of clearing my dead skin on my right sole. *Aw*
Also bought some moon cakes back. Tried a few exotic favours such as curry, tiramisu and cranberry. It's amazing how adventurous and creative the making of moon cakes has become!
I can't comprehend the callow ways of some people. *sigh* Shouldn't be bothered by them.
Poor bro is equally bothered by her. Haa.
I had thought I have a break from tuitions for this week but I was wrong. Should I give up one assignment? Need more time for myself... ...
Thursday, August 21, 2008
-10:51 PM
Am over the moon for Xin – Weiqiang popped the question and now there is a dazzling diamond ring on her finger! Couldn’t contain the joy and announced this during our tutorial today to the entire class. Haha.
Managed to touch base with MY (rather abruptly) and hopefully, he will click well with PT. Have to organise something fast for these two gems. Well, make hay while the sun shines?
Big Bird and Old Man tried to make things difficult for my friends and they really got on my nerves. Guess what? I challenged them verbally. Trust me, I will not allow them to force their ideas on the others. Shouldn’t they be old enough to understand that we should agree to disagree? They seriously lack healthy interpersonal skills and basic respect for presenters.
Am really enjoying my AMX tutorials – MF is impressively knowledgeable (should have expected, given his background) – which open my eyes to new perspectives to seeing things.
Was feeling frustrated on that fateful night. Sometimes I ask myself why I am always the one. I don’t relish being the messenger and yet demands are made on me all the time. Is it because of my ‘seniority’? Please stop extending those demands on my friends. *sigh* Someone called me at eight in the morning to ask if I am dating the guy whom she introduced to me less than a month ago. Do I seem that desperate? Seriously, I am happy being single at the moment, until I find the one who completes me. *sigh* Then, another weirdo contacted me – he has problems with this wife. For goodness sake, what credentials do I have to help him? He bugged me until I completely ignored his smses. *sigh* I am not a saviour…
TomSumJo came on Monday to pick me up again. So blessed. Love it when Jo goes “Joash shy” and tries to hide his face. Love it when he starts striking poses for the camera too. Love it when he plants kisses on me. Argh…
Sunday, August 17, 2008
-11:06 PM
Esther was having fun with my FinePix on Saturday at mum's stall. Here are a few of the pictures she took all by herself. Isn't she adorable?
Our granny
Her brother and my cousin, Kenneth
Her mum
Tong asked for my help for her economics group project. Seriously, the last time I touched Econs was close to a decade ago, so I couldn't promise her anything. Managed to only get a B for my "A' level Economics back then but we didn't have to use Excel to draw graphs! Can still remember my demand and supply, elasticity, perfect competition, economies of scale etc. Am more inclined to writing Econs essays so couldn't help her much with her calculations of standard deviation etc. Could only assist her with her graph, which was wrongly plotted. Knowing that she is studying business now brings me back fondly to those days in SIM. Organisation behaviour, strategic management, human resource development, marketing strategies... ... Maslow, Hygiene theory, group think, social capital... ... Fun, late night suppers, stay in Melbourne and more with Dage, Weiling, ACL, Yenyen, Yanni, Joseph... ... Time flies!
Went to Mustafa just now with TomSumJo and Kenneth - pretty frightening for an experience. It's a wrong time and day to be there! Traffic was bad and we had to squeeze through the crowd of people (mainly males) while drowning in the sea of noise (or blasting music) - unwanted and unnecessary body contact with total strangers!
Turning in soon - marvelous Monday starts tomorrow! Haa.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
-10:02 PM
Had a family gathering (with TomSumJo as well!) and we were luxuriating in a feast at mum’s stall. Try not to drool on your keyboard etc. when you look at these pictures. Haa.
The Than Sisters... Aunt Monica (extreme right) was busy tasting a few of the hot desserts despite after having an extremely heavy lunch! That's the power of a great cook - my mum (extreme left)!
Mixed Vegetables – love my broccoli!
Vegetarian Mutton Curry with plenty of potatoes. This dish is an absolute delight if you love mushrooms.
Vegetarian Sambal Fish with a generous amount of eggplants and lady’s fingers.
Sweet and Sour Vegetarian Fish – sliced thinly and fried for extra crunch.
Aunt Tina brought many other dishes too - crabs, roasted pork, fried chicken, duck, prawns and jelly fish.
My Godson! *scream* He had a fun time playing with Esther but I didn't manage to take pictures of them.
Tommy and Sharon got these crackers (limited edition) for me from Diaso. So sweet of them, right?
Was shopping with TomSumJo and Yvonne at Metro when our dear prince was busy trying on shades. He asked for his pictures to be taken too! Call him 'Mr Vain'? Hoho.
Bought Yan Yan biscuits, which were tasty and educational, for Jo. Was mumbling into his ears about the characteristics of herbivores, carnivores, omnivores, mammals etc. Never underestimate this baby genius!
Found an Education Psychology textbook (told you that I’ve been picking up things) which is brand new – should cost about $50 – in the female toilet in NIE. This careless girl didn’t even write her name in her book! Had no choice but to leave it with one Security Officer and thank God she got her book back – even sent me an sms to thank me.
I kind of enjoyed Qiye’s and Huiling’s company during CMS’s tutorial – they can get pretty wild! *lalalalalala* And I believe CMS called out my mother's name (incredibly?) when he was attempting to pronounce my dialect name!
I dreamt of ZZ and a few others last night – we were singing at a KTV. Perhaps it was because ZZ messaged me late last night before I slept. Or am I missing her?
There are people who practically leave you in the lurch after exploiting you to the fullest – and they are supposed to be the ones who walk with you and help you become a better person. Unfortunately, they are also the ones who think the world of themselves and believe they are almost indispensable. To have reached such a sorry state, they should have learnt their lessons? Apparently not! Okay, maybe I am being nasty here… *sigh* This world will do better with more gestures of appreciation and less comparisons!
Been introduced to an accountant recently and Aunt Tina wants to add another to my list. Even asked if I mind if he is in his early 40s. Haha. Why should I? The older the better - just like wine...
So much had happened. Indeed, the greatest challenge and achievement lie in dealing constantly with yourself in the face of disappointments and difficulties!
You hold my world in the palm of Your hands, and I am Yours, forever… You’re the reason that I live, the reason that I sing, with all I am…
Can’t wait to go to church tomorrow!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
-5:49 PM
Went to the new canteen near the Love Bridge between NIE and NTU for lunch yesterday but it was way too crowded. Finally, we settled for lunch at a cafeteria and I had Chicken Chop. The insipid soup which came along with the set meal was grainy but I enjoyed it! Haa. Love the broccoli most of all!
A not-so-new friend - pretty with silky long hair? And that smile...
Oh well, he is happily taken by one of my dearer and younger sisters. Hoho. That hair was hers.
Sweet Pearlyn bought me Sunshine Biscuits (literally translated) today. They were yummy and surprisingly not too saccharine sweet for my taste buds. Love the texture and most of all, the thought behind them. Friends, what would I do without them?
Met my ICT (a module during my first semester in NIE dip ed years) tutor. We smiled as we walked past each other. I was pleasantly taken aback when I heard my name being called and realised that it was him! At that instant, I couldn't recall how to address him (so embarrassing), except that he is one inspiring tutor full of charisma. He actually remembered my name and that I am supposed to have graduated. Of course, I explained that I crossover to the degree program and he expressed his congrats. I really am touched by this brief interaction but he is leaving NIE in six months. Till we meet again, may he continue to impact many more student teachers...
What is love? *sigh* Many of my friends have been falling in and out of love recently. Or should I just say that they are merely in and out of relationships, since I am not sure of their 'love' for their partners and ex-partners? There seems to be an insidious expression of 'love', which in my opinion, is totally (and painfully) destructive and selfish. Can only wish them the best and learn to look at the brighter side of things.
I have a new 'son'! Talented Elson (he plays several musical instruments and composes) calls me 'Ah Bu' since 'mother' is taken up by Lucas. And Daphanie followed suit! Gosh, is it a blessing to exercise this maternal instinct or not? Haa.
Celebrated Sharon's birthday with a 'surprise' last night with Kenneth, Daryl, Nicky, John, Jerome, Dawn, Kuen, Xinying and her bf. Failed to be Cinderella and reached home after twelve. Today's lesson started at 0830 and I reached school at 0740, thanks to Tommy who gave me another lift. Deprived of sleep again. Actually, am missing Jojo. Missed his smiles, tickling ways, hugs, kisses etc. When will I see him again?
Mich dropped Language Testing so I am all alone for CMS's class. Reminds me of the days for DRT's module last semester because I was separated from the rest. Lonely but filled with the opportunities to know more friends with greater depths.
He said he had a vivid dream of me at a crossroad and told me to make a decision. I find this a little absurd and if I really have to make one, I believe I have already done it. Well, such bizarre calls do visit from time to time. Haa.
Monday, August 11, 2008
-11:03 PM
Went JB with Danny on National Day. Almost caught FIR and watched The Dark Knight. Love my ice-creams (we tried seven different flavours) at Baskin Robbins but Danny thinks those in BKK are better. Had foot massage too which wasn't exactly fabulous. Bought another box of plasters (Snoopy!) to add to my collection. Haha. Bought Chocolate Banana cake from Secret Recipe for Sharon's birthday - not an easy feat considering we took the public transport back and that the cake was heavy! And I did it without Danny's help! Strong gal, yah? Sharon was so nice - invited me to her birthday dinner celebration with her family. So blessed! Joash loves the cake. Watch how he wiped up everything on his plate. Haha. My godson is just too irresistible! Yummmmy!Why is it that it keeps coming back when I determine to put it away? *sigh*
Went out with Tiish, Alfred, Jess and Si Hua today. Why are all the nice people single? Hohoho.
-9:37 PM
A few more pictures to flaunt on my blog... With the Power Puff Girls from the family of Heroes... Yanping, Qianling and Aqilah... They are so young and bursting with energy! And did I mention that they are very sweet too?
With Satiish, the head of Heroes! This gem treated the rest of the OGLs to Pizza Hut once. And he is a towering Mr Nice!
With Mahathir, the new man in love, in the picture. Another cool chap!
There was this match-making infection going on during the camp and every one in the group was almost paired up with another. Seriously, I had no one in mind. Was most probably the oldest participant in the camp any way, and I don't go for younger guys. But they insisted on taking a picture of me with a male. So, I ended up with a cute little boy called Alex (I only got his name through Elson a few days ago!). I must say that this shot is pretty hilarious!
Your grace is sufficient for me... Your strength is made perfect when I am weak...
What do I lack when I have Christ? What have I been holding dear in my heart when He is all I need?
He knows exactly when it hurts, where it hurts, why it hurts and how it hurts...
I just want to be where You are, dwelling daily in Your presence. I don't want to worship from afar, draw me near to where You are...
I know something is lacking so it's time to break in, break with, break through and break forth...
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
-9:48 PM
She praised me ceaselessly in front of my aunt – am speechless. It is like this with most parents in Singapore. They never assure you of your accomplishments so it takes an outsider to tell you so sometimes. She knows of the letters I wrote to encourage dad. She says that I am sensible and will never make her worry over me. She is proud of me. Any idea how touched I was when I hear all these from my aunt? She really loves my brother and me, and I love her very much too. I really do… …
Been picking up stuff. Mahathir’s expensive camera and wallet in a pouch. Lucas’ mobile. Melzone’s mobile. What will be next?
Sweet Mel helped me get my books - the bookshop was left with the last copy after my purchase! Thank God!
One of my tutors is very interesting – think it’s because he is from Taiwan. It has been a long time since people address me by my Chinese name. And he asked if I am a Hokkein after checking out my surname!
Tommy has been giving me rides back home – Monday and today! Thanks, father of my beloved godson.
Actually I have to be thankful for my timetable. No clashes with my tuitions and the breaks force me to mug up my notes. This semester is flooding with stacks of readings to do – and He will see me through. Challenges are meant to be overcome.
Dad is so sweet – brought me a bowl of grapes while I was in my room.
It’s funny how often I see them everywhere I go since the camp. Love this bunch of friends because they are so high-spirited. Feel like doing the Heroes cheer again. Hah!
Monday, August 04, 2008
-10:45 PM
My first day in school went swimmingly, except for the dreary break. The most blessed thing is to have TomSumJo come especially to bring me along to IMM for dinner at 6.30pm. Dinner at Fish & Co was satisfying with lots of garlic and calamari, though it was freezing cold. We had to keep our precious prince warm and he wanted to try my Adidas. Look at Joash in my red jacket. He caught almost everyone's attention when he was parading himself in IMM. Haa. And he has this frightening tendency to burst balloons which he exhibited when the crew gave him two while we were dining.
Met Lucas thrice in school, I think. This boy kept calling me 'mother' so I decided to make him my 'son'. Hoho.
With cousin Kenneth at Crystal Jade. He's really good-looking, yeah?
The Heroes at Marina Square.
The birthday boy with a red hot bag. Yeah!
What a way to profess your love at Pizza Hut?
And an edible sore thumb?
With sweet Si Hua, who wanted to take a picture with the pouch I gave her.
There's much to update and so little time. I have a feeling it's going to stagnate soon?
-12:18 AM
School is going to commence after 3 months of break. Can't believe it! Got back not too long ago with my Heroes - Satiish treated us OGLs to pizzas. Thanks, Tiish, for your generosity! Took so many pictures - I think I will have a hard time blogging about them. Celebrated Mahathir's birthday in advance too. Had so much fun - what a night to laugh away before class later. Today is also one my freshies' birthday - sent an sms with well wishes to him. Went out with CP on Saturday too. He got me a gift from Vietnam. Wanted to catch a movie but it was full house. Had dinner at a Japanese restaurant before we made our way to Giraffe for red red wine. Nope, am not tipsy here. Drinking red wine reminds me of a song. Believe I was blushing terribly after half a bottle. Jo thought I was crying. Thanks, CP, for the treats on both accounts. More blessed to give than to receive? Promise it will be my turn next time. My first time to Giraffe - nice ambience - and what a name! Time for bed... ...
Friday, August 01, 2008
-9:31 PM
Finally went to collect my IC today with Kenneth. It was his birthday yesterday! Visited our uncle and had a free and sumptuous lunch. Everything was piping hot on my plate, except the salad. Love the fish with the cheese and mayo.
This is Kenneth's food. The slightly orange mayo is specially made by our aunt - trade secret - and it made a huge difference to the otherwise commonly fried chicken. Yummy!
Enjoyed listening to Ken's anecdotes of his NS life. Seems like he is really enjoying serving our nation.
Jesus, lover of my soul. Jesus, I'll never let You go...
They broke off. I am pretty speechless. Is it really that easy to go in and out of a relationship? I am totally clueless. Still, I'm relishing my freedom.
Heard a song during the Rise and Rumble Camp - Home by Michael Buble. Where is your home?
