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Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Visited mum last Wednesday at her new stall and every customer I spoke to raved non-stop about the quality of the food she cooks. Actually called her the day before to tell her that I would be visiting and asked her if she needed anything from home. She laughed and remarked that she thought I called because I missed her. I do! I miss hearing her snore. I miss maneuvering past her bed to the master bedroom toilet. Haha.
Had to make a special trip to NIE for Programme feedback on Thursday and Mich Heng was really annoyed that we made a redundant trip since the feedback will be done online. She blurted something unpleasant out in the LT. Haa. That’s her, straightforward and real. Took many pictures of the familiar campus, with candid David and Penny (the owners of the drinks stall) and only with towering Dr Jason Tan and lovely Dr Dahl as the rest of the tutors were on leave. On the way out for lunch, the whole group of us – Mich Tan and Heng, Xin, Syl, Erni, Ching, Marie and I – were camera-whoring at the bus-stop and on the bus. Haa. Eventually, we settled for Swenson’s and Dr Ludwig joined us – this sweet tutor traveled all the way from home to JP just for us and unsuccessfully (again) wanted to give us a treat! We also celebrated Mich Heng’s birthday in advance.
Mum returned home on Friday night, sick. She had moved to her new stall not too long ago and she hadn’t cleared up the old. I spent my Saturday cleaning up with her. We also walked to Chinatown and had dinner there. The vegetarian restaurant she highly recommended truly serves delicious food! We had Claypot Tofu and Sweet and Sour Fish. It was a tiring day and it dawned on me again how tough it must be on my mum, who is coming close to 60. We reached home close to twelve and hearing how bad her cough was, I made herbal drink for her to soothe her throat. Sunday was almost the same – I went to her stall but wasn’t much of a help because she had to prepare the ingredients and I just couldn’t match her speed in cutting, chopping etc.
Went to NIE today and sat through a 2.5 hours survey. Marie wasn’t feeling too well and she went home to rest. Made my way to the canteen with Ching and had Western food (the second time during my four years there). Saw Ms Janet, Dr Aik Ling and Dr Cheang there. Next destination? Bustling corner in the sea of books! I had Iced Mocha and Ching had tea. The uncle (forgot to ask for his name though we have been patronising his café) was so nice – blessed us with a lollipop each. I was exhilarated – sweet thrill. We bumped into Dr Benny and Dr Ludwig – a golden and perfect opportunity to have a picture snapped with the two cute musketeers. Was a little surprised that the former readily agreed to our request because he gives me the impression that he is terribly camera-shy. Had a marvelous time chatting with Ching. More tomorrow?
Was upset with what someone told me a few days ago. She was suggesting that people whom I consider friends have been talking about me behind my back. I probed further but she was only willing to divulge that much. Was disappointed. Was it real? Can I trust anyone at all? She even advised me to choose my friends carefully. Was it a masquerade? In times like this, I know there is one who doesn't change. I can trust in Him at all times - my fortress, my deliverer, my shield, my strength...
She died on a stormy night. I woke up and realised my loss in horror. How did it happen? I asked my daddy and the answer was lucid. He caused her death and I couldn’t bring myself to cry. But I did mourn over a few days and occasionally still remind dad of his evil deed. She jumped off, with the help of the wind, I believe. I couldn’t find any of her remains. He shouldn’t have placed her so near to the windows! Adieu, my cactus! I will think of you whenever I see your kind…
It is a weird feeling. Four years flew past and I have five more to go. Bidding farewell can be sorrowful.
