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Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
I felt extremely useless. How can I help them? I reprimanded them and I didn't feel good inside. I threatened them. They will never see my smile again if they continue to be nonchalant about their own progress. How can they be motivated? I am starting to worry for them - PSLE is next year! The fundamentals are not there! The effort is not there. Why are they not learning? Into God's hand I have to surrender them. It is so easy to depend on myself but it is never about me. Am just a tool, a bridge... Stir in me a desire and urgency to keep them in prayers, God. I have to cool down, stay calm and divorce myself from these negative thoughts. And yes, back to marking... Give me strength and be with me as I persevere... I know, it is still too early to give up...
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
-9:46 PM
Love this song... the rhythm... groovy!
Say Hey by Michael Franti and Spearhead
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
-7:57 PM
He touched me. After five long years of waiting, I found a person who made my heart skip a beat from time to time. I supposed it started naturally with group outings, then to just the both of us catching movies. I am very comfortable in his company but I didn't quite link it to other feelings. Was it denial? Still, he popped the weird question and I had to confront my own feelings. It took me a lot of courage and I believe it is the same for him. After all, we are pretty different in terms of age, size and height. Haa. But his sincerity stood out. The way he cared for me is absolutely nothing but sweetness. Imagine a guy accompanying me for my rehearsals (for a musical) and patiently waited (for around three hours) until I was done so that we could go for dinner and chill out. He made me sandwiches for lunches. He bought me coffees because I needed the caffeine. He entertained and flew a kite with my cousins, nephew and me. He waited with me for buses even before we are together. He is there when I need to ventilate. The list can go on. And one ridiculous reason is... he likes me with my glasses! Keke. I am lazy to doll up most of the time so my special someone must appreciate me the way I am. Little do I know that he has been by my side for some time already! Unbelievably, he can take my nonsense. In fact, he finds me amusing, I think. Hehe. Nonetheless, he has to pass the 'test' from my second family ultimately. TomSumJo met him and Jojo seemed to take a liking to him towards the end of our dinner. Hilarious! Sum told me that Jojo feels that I am his girlfriend and that I belong to him. Now that he has a godpa, he must be feeling strange. But the fact is, he has one more person to dote on him. Think there will be many more trips with my second family to overseas with him. Thank you, for being a part of my life... Thank you, for loving me...
Friday, April 02, 2010
-8:19 PM
Never have I celebrated my birthday with such suspense, pomp and merriment…
School ended fifteen minutes past six in the evening after more than five hours of meeting and ten periods of work in school. I rushed home madly in a cab, showered (it was the least I could do to make sure TomSumJo did not faint when I entered their car) and changed.
Darkness enveloped me when my eyes were covered by a blindfold hand-made by Sum. I was made to listen to her MP3, and soon, my nostrils were completely blocked by Jo’s old comfy hankie. She led me up two flights of stairs and I stood there as they manipulated my posture. Finally, I was told that I could take off the blindfold and to my ultimate surprise, many of my beloved friends were right before me! Yes, I was touched beyond words. How could these angels be so nice to me?
The night was memorably spent by playing childish games, cutting the biggest cake ever meant for me, eating McDonald’s junk food, chatting and catching up, receiving and opening of gifts, smiling and being photographed by cameras of various brands… …
These sweet memories will be etched in my mind and heart forever. Thanks, Sum, for painstakingly planning via FB. Thanks, Tommy, for bringing me to school early that morning and then again in the evening, to the ‘restaurant’. I lurve my second family! Thanks, Ludwig, for coming to an unfamiliar and faraway place to celebrate my birthday despite your demanding work. Thanks, Rus, Mic and Ah Drew, for not contacting me, which made me feel ‘forgotten’ that day. Thanks to my caring cell members (Clement and family, Helen and Chris, and Dickson and Alison), the youthful young adults (Yvonne, Ah Di, Kuen, Leslie, Nic, Ben, Dap and Gerald) and Regina and her beau, Calvin, for their presence and presents.
That extraordinary day marked the end of Gillian in her twenties and welcomed the start of her in her thirties. Actually, I still don’t feel like my age. Haa. The extravagant gifts of love and cards with well wishes are a huge indulgence… Thank God, for these exceptional jewels, whom he planted in my life to catch a glimpse of His immense love for me…
With my second family and Ludwig
With the crowd...
With Rus and Mich
With Ah Drew
Blowing the flame with godson Jo
Blindfolded...
My friends in school spent my first birthday in YTPS with me too! We had dinner at Breeks and the crew sang Marga and me a birthday song. Kim bought us a fruity birthday cake. AshNicRaudMar got me a couch bag and a pair of purple earrings. Hehe. These gems are such a blessing in every way. Ashie and Nic listen whenever I need to ventilate. Haa! Ashie will give me sweet little surprises on my table. ‘Bullying’ Nic Mei is somewhat therapeutic as he takes all my weird actions and words. I know, I am a nutcase. Ryan talks nonsense with and cares for me. Marga and Raud are great for company and chats. Gek Tiang and Xinyi are so helpful. Janice is constantly showering me with encouragements. Darren gave me small treats too. What more can I ask for?
My birthday in school was generously sprinkled with love when work was hectic. Ryan and Meow Huang got me lunch on two separate days. Kai Xin and Raud bought me cakes. Danny gave me a mini bear. My mischievous 5 Empathy sang me a birthday song. Several of my pupils made me cards and gave me gifts which I couldn’t refuse. Many sent their well wishes via Facebook. And thanks to FB, many of them went, “Miss Gillian, you are thirty?” Argh… It’s a fabulous age to hit?
With Ashie
Thanks to TomSum, I have time to quickly blog before I get back to serious work. I just want to express my gratitude and not procrastinate any longer. Come to think of it, next week is crazy with mangrove clearing with my form class on Monday from 2pm to 5pm, Science course from 2.30pm to 5pm on Tuesday (at a faraway place), English workshop from 2pm to 5pm on Wednesday, CCA from 3.30pm to 6.15pm on Thursday and tuition on Friday at 5.30pm. The highlight of next week? Lesson observation on Wednesday by my Reporting Officer, who informed me that the P and VP may drop by too. *faintz* My detailed and weekly lesson plans are beckoning me. My compositions are stacking up too. Still, I am thankful. At least, I have work to do.
Suddenly, this song came again. It’s meant for Him. It’s also dedicated to all my loved ones… you…
For all those times you stood by me For all the truth that you made me see For all the joy you brought to my life For all the wrong that you made right For every dream you made come true For all the love I found in you I'll be forever thankful baby You're the one who held me up Never let me fall You're the one who saw me through through it all
You were my strength when I was weak You were my voice when I couldn't speak You were my eyes when I couldn't see You saw the best there was in me Lifted me up when I couldn't reach You gave me faith 'coz you believed I'm everything I am Because you loved me
You gave me wings and made me fly You touched my hand I could touch the sky I lost my faith, you gave it back to me You said no star was out of reach You stood by me and I stood tall I had your love I had it all I'm grateful for each day you gave me Maybe I don't know that much But I know this much is true I was blessed because I was loved by you
You were always there for me The tender wind that carried me A light in the dark shining your love into my life You've been my inspiration Through the lies you were the truth My world is a better place because of you
